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From: Lil Stinker NP-g07 <anywhere@uwant2.com>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Re: Benefits of Being a Female
Date: Mon, 03 Oct 2005 19:21:03 -0500
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On Mon, 03 Oct 2005 01:01:04 GMT, F_Monk_ <no@any.way> wrote:
>On Sun, 02 Oct 2005 15:00:30 -0400, "::Y-Not::" <$9+-Y-Not@here.com>
>wrote:
>
>>In article <5gouj1lt83gh32gdkicq5eohvegq97ur2h@4ax.com>, F_Monk
>><no@any.way> wrote:
>>
>>> On Fri, 30 Sep 2005 10:07:07 -0500, Lil Stinker NP-g07
>>> <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
>>>
>>> >On Fri, 30 Sep 2005 02:03:04 -0400, "::Y-Not::" <$9+-Y-Not@here.com>
>>> >wrote:
>>> >
>>> >>In article <i5bpj1dtee6jcknp9lk6qgfl4tgl3mnlgo@4ax.com>, Lil Stinker
>>> >>NP-g07 <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
>>> >>
>>> >>> Benefits of Being a Female
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>> We got off the Titanic first. We don't look like a frog in a blender
>>> >>> when dancing. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free moving (you get the
>>> >>> point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're
>>> >>> gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. New
>>> >>> lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we're not making
>>> >>> enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. Nothing crucial can be
>>> >>> cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives
>>> >>> without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faus pas we make could
>>> >>> rival. The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we
>>> >>> forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate
>>> >>> without ever touching her fanny. If we have a zit, we know how to
>>> >>> conceal it We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
>>> >>> privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find itcute.
>>> >>> We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the
>>> >>> ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total witch at
>>> >>> least once a month. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
>>> >>> that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we
>>> >>> ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when
>>> >>> chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make
>>> >>> us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully
>>> >>> assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover
>>> >>> we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We know which glass was ours by the
>>> >>> lipstick mark. We're NOT men.
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>> Lil Stinker
>>> >>> "just havin' fun!"
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >> Women are Dumb Asses
>>> >>
>>> >>Did you know that women are dumb asses? I mean this literally.
>>> >>More accurately, they HAVE dumb asses.
>>> >>That's right. Their asses can't tell what they're sitting on. or even
>>> >>if they're sitting on anything at all, unless it's cold.
>>> >>
>>> >>Have you ever seen them sit? They just back up and drop. They never
>>> >>check what's on the seat, because even if it's something really bad,
>>> >>their butts won't feel it. They must realize this, even if
>>> >>subconsciously.
>>> >>I've been checking this out for years. Commuting by public
>>> >>transportation can be awfully boring.
>>> >>
>>> >>Those of you who live with a woman probably know this already, but for
>>> >>those who don't, I'll tell you how we find what we keep losing.
>>> >>If you can't find your car keys, check under the woman! Ten to one,
>>> >>she's sitting on them. If you have a remote starter on the keychain,
>>> >>you already know this.
>>> >>Can't find the TV guide? It's under the woman! Pressed flat, too. On a
>>> >>hot day, you can see the picture transfer on her behind. Best not to
>>> >>tell her that, though, but you should cover all her usual perches, or
>>> >>you could have the TV Guide cover reprinted everywhere.
>>> >>Notice the TV changing channels on it's own, but you can't find the
>>> >>remote? That's right, it's under the woman, and pointing across the
>>> >>room.
>>> >>Can't find the dog's chew toy? You'll know where it is, if when the
>>> >>woman shifts position, you hear a suspicious squeaking sound. The dog
>>> >>is sniffing at her crotch for a legitimate reason, this time.
>>> >>You can't find your wallet? Check under the woman. But don't bother to
>>> >>look for the money (your measly allowance). Women's butts suck wallets
>>> >>dry. You'll know what else is under there, if you see key impressions
>>> >>on it, and a TV Guide logo on the wallet.
>>> >>
>>> >>There is a direct correlation between the number of the things you
>>> >>can't find, and the size of the woman's behind. Big butts hide more.
>>> >>Then things tend to get stuffed into the cracks.
>>> >>In the CUSHIONS! What were you thinking?
>>> >>
>>> >>Want proof that women never check what they sit on?
>>> >>Simple:
>>> >>On a cold night, the colder the better, (evil grin), leave the toilet
>>> >>seat up. Her surprised scream will give you proof of all my
>>> >>contentions, and not to mention, will likely wake up the neighborhood.
>>> >>
>>> >>Yeah, you'll get your proof about her ass, but you won't get NEAR her
>>> >>ass for a week.
>>> >>So much for scientific experiments! Got a comfortable sofa?
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>Your post here, and the Hell post, reminded me to write down something
>>> >>I've been thinking about for for years.
>>> >>It's been a while since I posted an independent fun exposition, as I
>>> >>used to do in the Fort, so I just now created this one. Think I should
>>> >>post it in the Fort? :-)
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>Yours in fun,
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>Y Not
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >Why Not. :)
>>> >
>>> >Lil Stinker
>>> > "just havin' fun!"
>>>
>>> send it off to reader's digest and get some loot for it. or some othe
>>> rmag. may jump at ait :)
>>>
>>> F.
>>
>>I used to do that, and still do, with a variety of publications.
>>But, it would be a security violation to do it with something I posted
>>in the newsgroups.
>
>damn shame about the joke...but, I sort of forgot momentarily about
>search engines! especially with exact quotes...
>
>>
>>It's a shame. There is a lot I could share here, that some would be
>>astounded to know they all came from the same person. This would also
>>apply to my research. Well, we can't have everything. :-(
>>
>>I wonder what Mouse was thinking, when he said in the Fort that I
>>should get a sense of humor. :-)
>>
>
>I have been reading several "threads" recently...in other groups, some
>are so disconnected that the original thought has become totally lost
>and replaced with what fulfills their views or lack thereof.
>
>>
>>Take care,
>>
>>
>>Y Not
>>
>>
>> "You are unique,
>> just like everyone else."
>
>well, enough on this here before this too gets turned into a twisted
>diatribe and that would stain this fun hidaway. Rolex has a good thing
>going and I am not a spolier.
>
>PLH
>
>Felonious
Yeah, this is a nice quiet group. No trouble makers, at least till I
showed up. :-)
Rolex invited me over here a few months back to do some posting of
jokes and dragons and whatever. Before that I think I was about his
only positive visitor to the group, dropping by and commenting on his
posts. Since then I've been hanging out here with him. From time to
time Y-Not drops in.
Nice to see you drop in now and then too
.
It's Rolex place, but I'm sure he would not mind me extending an
invite to you to do some posting if you want. Just query him as to his
sandbox rules.
Hey Rolex, that's not a bad name for the place.....The SandBox. :)
What you think.
Also did you get my ping to you on the T-shirts?
Later,
Lil Stinker
"just havin' fun!"
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