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From: F_Monk_ <no@any.way>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Re: Benefits of Being a Female
Organization: heading for higher ground
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Date: Mon, 03 Oct 2005 01:01:04 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:273
On Sun, 02 Oct 2005 15:00:30 -0400, "::Y-Not::" <$9+-Y-Not@here.com>
wrote:
>In article <5gouj1lt83gh32gdkicq5eohvegq97ur2h@4ax.com>, F_Monk
><no@any.way> wrote:
>
>> On Fri, 30 Sep 2005 10:07:07 -0500, Lil Stinker NP-g07
>> <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
>>
>> >On Fri, 30 Sep 2005 02:03:04 -0400, "::Y-Not::" <$9+-Y-Not@here.com>
>> >wrote:
>> >
>> >>In article <i5bpj1dtee6jcknp9lk6qgfl4tgl3mnlgo@4ax.com>, Lil Stinker
>> >>NP-g07 <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
>> >>
>> >>> Benefits of Being a Female
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>> We got off the Titanic first. We don't look like a frog in a blender
>> >>> when dancing. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free moving (you get the
>> >>> point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're
>> >>> gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. New
>> >>> lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we're not making
>> >>> enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. Nothing crucial can be
>> >>> cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives
>> >>> without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faus pas we make could
>> >>> rival. The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we
>> >>> forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate
>> >>> without ever touching her fanny. If we have a zit, we know how to
>> >>> conceal it We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
>> >>> privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find itcute.
>> >>> We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the
>> >>> ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total witch at
>> >>> least once a month. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
>> >>> that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we
>> >>> ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when
>> >>> chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make
>> >>> us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully
>> >>> assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover
>> >>> we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We know which glass was ours by the
>> >>> lipstick mark. We're NOT men.
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>> Lil Stinker
>> >>> "just havin' fun!"
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> Women are Dumb Asses
>> >>
>> >>Did you know that women are dumb asses? I mean this literally.
>> >>More accurately, they HAVE dumb asses.
>> >>That's right. Their asses can't tell what they're sitting on. or even
>> >>if they're sitting on anything at all, unless it's cold.
>> >>
>> >>Have you ever seen them sit? They just back up and drop. They never
>> >>check what's on the seat, because even if it's something really bad,
>> >>their butts won't feel it. They must realize this, even if
>> >>subconsciously.
>> >>I've been checking this out for years. Commuting by public
>> >>transportation can be awfully boring.
>> >>
>> >>Those of you who live with a woman probably know this already, but for
>> >>those who don't, I'll tell you how we find what we keep losing.
>> >>If you can't find your car keys, check under the woman! Ten to one,
>> >>she's sitting on them. If you have a remote starter on the keychain,
>> >>you already know this.
>> >>Can't find the TV guide? It's under the woman! Pressed flat, too. On a
>> >>hot day, you can see the picture transfer on her behind. Best not to
>> >>tell her that, though, but you should cover all her usual perches, or
>> >>you could have the TV Guide cover reprinted everywhere.
>> >>Notice the TV changing channels on it's own, but you can't find the
>> >>remote? That's right, it's under the woman, and pointing across the
>> >>room.
>> >>Can't find the dog's chew toy? You'll know where it is, if when the
>> >>woman shifts position, you hear a suspicious squeaking sound. The dog
>> >>is sniffing at her crotch for a legitimate reason, this time.
>> >>You can't find your wallet? Check under the woman. But don't bother to
>> >>look for the money (your measly allowance). Women's butts suck wallets
>> >>dry. You'll know what else is under there, if you see key impressions
>> >>on it, and a TV Guide logo on the wallet.
>> >>
>> >>There is a direct correlation between the number of the things you
>> >>can't find, and the size of the woman's behind. Big butts hide more.
>> >>Then things tend to get stuffed into the cracks.
>> >>In the CUSHIONS! What were you thinking?
>> >>
>> >>Want proof that women never check what they sit on?
>> >>Simple:
>> >>On a cold night, the colder the better, (evil grin), leave the toilet
>> >>seat up. Her surprised scream will give you proof of all my
>> >>contentions, and not to mention, will likely wake up the neighborhood.
>> >>
>> >>Yeah, you'll get your proof about her ass, but you won't get NEAR her
>> >>ass for a week.
>> >>So much for scientific experiments! Got a comfortable sofa?
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Your post here, and the Hell post, reminded me to write down something
>> >>I've been thinking about for for years.
>> >>It's been a while since I posted an independent fun exposition, as I
>> >>used to do in the Fort, so I just now created this one. Think I should
>> >>post it in the Fort? :-)
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Yours in fun,
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Y Not
>> >
>> >
>> >Why Not. :)
>> >
>> >Lil Stinker
>> > "just havin' fun!"
>>
>> send it off to reader's digest and get some loot for it. or some othe
>> rmag. may jump at ait :)
>>
>> F.
>
>I used to do that, and still do, with a variety of publications.
>But, it would be a security violation to do it with something I posted
>in the newsgroups.
damn shame about the joke...but, I sort of forgot momentarily about
search engines! especially with exact quotes...
>
>It's a shame. There is a lot I could share here, that some would be
>astounded to know they all came from the same person. This would also
>apply to my research. Well, we can't have everything. :-(
>
>I wonder what Mouse was thinking, when he said in the Fort that I
>should get a sense of humor. :-)
>
I have been reading several "threads" recently...in other groups, some
are so disconnected that the original thought has become totally lost
and replaced with what fulfills their views or lack thereof.
>
>Take care,
>
>
>Y Not
>
>
> "You are unique,
> just like everyone else."
well, enough on this here before this too gets turned into a twisted
diatribe and that would stain this fun hidaway. Rolex has a good thing
going and I am not a spolier.
PLH
Felonious
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