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From: F_Monk <no@any.way>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: Re: Benefits of Being a Female
Organization: heading for higher ground
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Date: Sun, 02 Oct 2005 04:30:01 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.rolex:265
On Fri, 30 Sep 2005 10:07:07 -0500, Lil Stinker NP-g07
<anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
>On Fri, 30 Sep 2005 02:03:04 -0400, "::Y-Not::" <$9+-Y-Not@here.com>
>wrote:
>
>>In article <i5bpj1dtee6jcknp9lk6qgfl4tgl3mnlgo@4ax.com>, Lil Stinker
>>NP-g07 <anywhere@uwant2.com> wrote:
>>
>>> Benefits of Being a Female
>>>
>>>
>>> We got off the Titanic first. We don't look like a frog in a blender
>>> when dancing. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free moving (you get the
>>> point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're
>>> gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. New
>>> lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we're not making
>>> enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. Nothing crucial can be
>>> cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives
>>> without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faus pas we make could
>>> rival. The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we
>>> forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate
>>> without ever touching her fanny. If we have a zit, we know how to
>>> conceal it We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
>>> privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find itcute.
>>> We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the
>>> ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total witch at
>>> least once a month. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware
>>> that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we
>>> ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when
>>> chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make
>>> us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully
>>> assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover
>>> we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We know which glass was ours by the
>>> lipstick mark. We're NOT men.
>>>
>>>
>>> Lil Stinker
>>> "just havin' fun!"
>>
>>
>> Women are Dumb Asses
>>
>>Did you know that women are dumb asses? I mean this literally.
>>More accurately, they HAVE dumb asses.
>>That's right. Their asses can't tell what they're sitting on. or even
>>if they're sitting on anything at all, unless it's cold.
>>
>>Have you ever seen them sit? They just back up and drop. They never
>>check what's on the seat, because even if it's something really bad,
>>their butts won't feel it. They must realize this, even if
>>subconsciously.
>>I've been checking this out for years. Commuting by public
>>transportation can be awfully boring.
>>
>>Those of you who live with a woman probably know this already, but for
>>those who don't, I'll tell you how we find what we keep losing.
>>If you can't find your car keys, check under the woman! Ten to one,
>>she's sitting on them. If you have a remote starter on the keychain,
>>you already know this.
>>Can't find the TV guide? It's under the woman! Pressed flat, too. On a
>>hot day, you can see the picture transfer on her behind. Best not to
>>tell her that, though, but you should cover all her usual perches, or
>>you could have the TV Guide cover reprinted everywhere.
>>Notice the TV changing channels on it's own, but you can't find the
>>remote? That's right, it's under the woman, and pointing across the
>>room.
>>Can't find the dog's chew toy? You'll know where it is, if when the
>>woman shifts position, you hear a suspicious squeaking sound. The dog
>>is sniffing at her crotch for a legitimate reason, this time.
>>You can't find your wallet? Check under the woman. But don't bother to
>>look for the money (your measly allowance). Women's butts suck wallets
>>dry. You'll know what else is under there, if you see key impressions
>>on it, and a TV Guide logo on the wallet.
>>
>>There is a direct correlation between the number of the things you
>>can't find, and the size of the woman's behind. Big butts hide more.
>>Then things tend to get stuffed into the cracks.
>>In the CUSHIONS! What were you thinking?
>>
>>Want proof that women never check what they sit on?
>>Simple:
>>On a cold night, the colder the better, (evil grin), leave the toilet
>>seat up. Her surprised scream will give you proof of all my
>>contentions, and not to mention, will likely wake up the neighborhood.
>>
>>Yeah, you'll get your proof about her ass, but you won't get NEAR her
>>ass for a week.
>>So much for scientific experiments! Got a comfortable sofa?
>>
>>
>>
>>Your post here, and the Hell post, reminded me to write down something
>>I've been thinking about for for years.
>>It's been a while since I posted an independent fun exposition, as I
>>used to do in the Fort, so I just now created this one. Think I should
>>post it in the Fort? :-)
>>
>>
>>Yours in fun,
>>
>>
>>Y Not
>
>
>Why Not. :)
>
>Lil Stinker
> "just havin' fun!"
send it off to reader's digest and get some loot for it. or some othe
rmag. may jump at ait :)
F.
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