Hey Rolex.....
You should not call Y-Not, Mercury and Mephi old.
You are supposed to be nice to your elders.
darkshadows
On Tue, 19 Sep 2006 22:26:10 GMT, "Rolex" <rolex@webmaster.com> wrote:
>An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
>
>He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
>of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
>
>The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
>said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
>can hear again."
>
>The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
>and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
>
>
>**************
>
>An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
>the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
>talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
>was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
>
>The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
>
>The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
>that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and
>has thorns."
>
>"Do you mean a rose?"
>
>"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
>and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
>night?
>
>**************
>Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
>
>However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
>gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
>feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
>
>After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
>elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
>
>"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
>of her hospital gown."
>
>**************
>
>Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
>
>During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but
>they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
>
>Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
>"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
>
>"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
>
>"Sure."
>
>"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
>
>"No, I can remember it."
>
>"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top,too. Maybe you should write it
>down, so's not to forget it?"
>
>He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
>strawberries."
>
>"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
>down?" she asks.
>
>Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
>cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
>
>Then he toddles into the kitchen.
>
>After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his
>wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
>
>She stares at the plate for a moment.
>
>"Where's my toast?"
>
>**************
>
>A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
>getting married?"
>"Yep!"
>"Do I know her?"
>"Nope!"
>"This woman, is she good looking?"
>"Not really."
>"Is she a good cook?"
>"Naw, she can't cook too well."
>"Does she have lots of money?"
>"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
>"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
>"I don't know."
>"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
>"Because she can still drive!"
>
>**************
>
>Three old guys are out walking.
>First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
>Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
>Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
>
>**************
>
>A man was telling his neighbour,
>"I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but
>it's state of the art. It's perfect."
>
>"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
>
>"Twelve thirty."
>
>**************
>
>Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
>
>A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
>gorgeous young woman on his arm.
>
>A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really
>doing great, aren't you?"
>
>Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
>cheerful.'"
>
>The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
>careful.'"
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