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From: Lil Stinker NP-g07 <lilstinker@pu.net>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rolex
Subject: The Voodoo Penis
Date: Fri, 09 Sep 2005 21:43:07 -0500
Organization: StinkersRus
Reply-To: anywhereuwant2
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The Voodoo Penis
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew
his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive,
so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied
while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He
thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another
man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind
the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really
know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos,
special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will
keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened
it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed,
and said "Big damn deal.It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the
door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly
with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the
middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return
to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay
there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it
home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it,
all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was
gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but
then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The
Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely
incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three
mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd
had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had
forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go
to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering
with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense
orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this
and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then
asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my
crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"
The rest is history.
Lil Stinker
"just havin' fun!"
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