Did you hear about the two bodies cremated at the same time?
It was a dead heat!.
The cruise sip passenger was feeling really seasick, when the waiter
asked if she'd like some lunch.
"No thanks" she replied. "Just throw it over the side, and save me the
trouble.!!
If you were making a large omelette would you use chicken eggs or
elephant eggs?
Chicken eggs!! Elephant yolks are so bad!.
What did the royal taster say after drinking the poisoned water?
Not much!
The woman was so ugly, that when a wasp stung her, it had to close its
eyes.
A man walking his dog came across a little boy pulling a cats tail.
"Hey you" said the man. "Don't pull the cats tail!!"
"I'm not pulling." replied the boy. " I am holding on, the cat's doing
the pulling".
George is the type of boy his mother does not want him to hang around
with!.
An astronaut and a chimp rocketed into space. When the chimp opened his
orders he started pushing buttons and pulling leavers.
When the astronaut opened his sealed orders, his orders read:-
FEED THE CHIMP.
What do you get when you cross a dwarf with a vampire?
A monster who sucks blood out of people's kneecaps.
A woman was facing the judge, charged with wounding her husband.
"You are very lucky you are not facing a murder charge. Why did you stab
him over and over again?"
"I didn't know how to turn the electric carver off".
Little Roger was on the bus on his way home from school when a huge lady
got on the bus.
There were no seats, so the lady turned to Roger and said "If you were a
nice boy you would stand and let someone else sit down".
"And if you were a lady" Roger replied "You would stand up and let 4
people sit down".
What do eskimos get for sitting on the ice too long!!
Polaroids!
What is blackand white and red all over?
A nun in a blender!
What is twenty feet long and smells musty?
Line dancers in an old peoples home!
What has 4 legs and an arm?
A happy lion!
Dont go away, I have not finished yet!!!!
Mercury.
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