On Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:36:44 -0400, NP-f31 wrote:
>How Summer Camp Nearly Ruined Me (Part 1)
>
>Earl was a one-of-a-kind sort of kid. He was unusual; some might say a
>special kid. People might say that he was just misunderstood. I'd say
>he was Crazy 8 Bonkers. As the bus picked him up on the way Summer Day
>Camp he climbed on the bus with his nametag upside down. The bus
>driver made him stand at the front of the bus while he tried to read
>Earl's nametag. Earl just stood there looking at all of us as if he'd
>never seen other kids before.
>
>Earl had pale blue eyes and cropped blonde hair. He had what we used
>to call 'white sidewalls'. That's when the hair on either side of your
>head is buzzed all the way down to the scalp. It made the hair on the
>top of his head stand up like it was getting ready to leave. After the
>initial shock of seeing him for the first time, I didn't think about
>him for a while. I was excited because I was signed up for Summer Day
>Camp with my best friend, Tim. We were going to have some fun!
>
>It wasn't until later that afternoon that I saw Earl again. We were at
>the swimming pool and I was splashing around with Tim and two other
>guys we'd made friends with. One of them, named Pete shouted, "Look
>out! Here comes Earl!" and the two boys swam off in opposite
>directions. Tim, who is probably smarter than me, followed their
>example and swam off in a hurry. I didn't see what the big deal was. I
>saw Earl swimming toward me, in an awkward kind of way, completely
>underwater. He had on underwater goggles and a snorkel, so he didn't
>have to come up for air. I just sort of watched Earl as he swam up to
>me, closer and closer until he reached out and WOAH!
>
>Something about having your wiener pinched by a crazy kid makes you
>capable of swimming away very fast. I was on the swim team and was
>already a pretty fast swimmer, but after my encounter with Earl, I
>know I swam away the fastest I'd ever swum before. I was out of the
>pool so fast I had time to help Tim and my new friends out of the
>water. "Earl pinched my wiener!" I exclaimed unhappily.
>
>"I told you to look out!" cried Pete. "He pinched mine a little while
>ago."
>
>"Well, he's not pinching mine," said Tim.
>
>Earl had made his way over to a corner of the pool, no doubt in search
>of his next victim. The girls, at least, were apparently safe. They
>didn't have wieners. We hurried around the corner to where Earl was
>lying in wait, determined that he not pinch anyone else. When we got
>to his lurking area, we stopped and as a group yelled, 'Earl!'
>
>Earl floated slowly up out of the water, took the snorkel out of his
>mouth, raised his goggles to the top of his head and beheld us with
>what was probably contempt. "What are you looking at? Spy!" he said to
>me accusingly.
>
>"Stop pinching people, Earl!" I yelled. "It's not nice." I was
>wondering if I should threaten him. I was much bigger than him, but I
>didn't want to get into a fight and get expelled from Summer Day Camp
>on the very first day.
>
>Without saying anything, Earl slipped his goggles back on, inserted
>his snorkel and sank beneath the water. An unsuspecting younger boy
>had been scootching along the pool wall in Earl's direction. We saw,
>too late, what was about to happen. We yelled out in warning, but
>sadly didn't know his name. "Hey kid!" we yelled. And about half the
>kids in the pool looked at us, but not him. He was laughing and
>splashing with his sister one second and the next second he let out a
>squeal of pain and shock. He never saw it coming. We felt as if we
>were in that movie 'Jaws' and he was another shark victim. We ran over
>and hauled him out of the water.
>
>whistle blew as the counselors called us out of the pool. It was time
>to go home. Earl avoided us on the bus ride home. It was a good thing
>too. For the rest of the week we made it our policy to make sure we
>knew where Earl was at all times.
>
>That whole first week of camp featured a series of unusual Earl
>behavior. The topper came on Friday. It was probably the funniest
>thing I've ever seen. Friday it rained hard and during our sports
>activity hour we were all herded into the gymnasium of the college
>that was hosting our Summer Day Camp. It was pretty boring. The bigger
>boys were all playing basketball. Tim and I were too short to be
>picked for teams. The girls were either playing badminton, volleyball
>or were sitting in small groups talking politely. So Tim and I
>resorted to smacking tennis balls clear across the gym to see if we
>could hit Earl. We never hit him, but we came close a number of times.
>Earl could never figure out where the tennis balls were coming from.
>He was too engrossed in trying to figure out what was inside the tip
>of a badminton shuttlecock.
>
>Just as we began to tire of hitting tennis balls at Earl, he suddenly
>dropped the shuttlecock and stood up. He seemed to be keenly
>interested in the basketball game that was going on a few feet away
>from him. Tim and I moved closer to the game too because Earl had that
>rodent-like expression on his face that he always got when he was up
>to no good. He sidled his way up to the edge of the court trying to
>look nonchalant. We took up a position directly across from him. We
>were eager to see what he was up to. We found out pretty quickly
>because the basketball was knocked out of bounds and the opportunistic
>Earl scurried to scoop it up.
>
>The bigger boys, some of them teenagers, called to Earl. "Here you go,
>Earl" and looked expectantly for the basketball. Earl just stood there
>looking at them with his weasely expression until one of them took a
>step in his direction. With that, Earl took off past the basketball
>players and scampered out the front door of the gymnasium. The older
>boys looked at each other in disbelief for a few seconds and then took
>off after Earl with a shout of 'Hey!'
>
>"Holy Crap!" I said and looked at Tim, who looked at me with a comical
>expression on his face. We stepped out the side door of the gym into
>the glass-enclosed hallway that encircled the field house. We looked
>to our right and could see that Earl had already run through the lobby
>and out the front doors into the pouring rain. Ten older boys ran
>through the lobby and out the doors in hot pursuit of him.
>
>In front of the gymnasium was a broad expanse of grassy lawn that led
>to the parking lot and the administration building about 50 yards
>away. Earl ran from right to left across our field of vision. Several
>others joined us in the hallway to witness what we were sure would be
>a pummeling of Earl by the older boys. Earl was not a fast runner, in
>fact it seemed like his right leg was faster and took two steps for
>every one that his left leg took. As a result the older boys began to
>gain on him quickly. Earl looked back over his shoulder and saw the
>enmity in the eyes of his pursuers. This seemed to spur him on to a
>more coordinated effort to flee. His gait changed and he began to take
>long strides that resembled a two-legged antelope. His flat feet
>slapped the wet ground with every step kicking up water like little
>explosions. He looked back again. The older boys were getting closer,
>the anger evident on their faces. Earl had not only interrupted their
>game, but dragged them out into the pelting rain on a wild goose
>chase. Apparently he had thoughts of his own mortality and the error
>of his ways. I could see in his face that he was tiring from his
>efforts and was a bit desperate. I saw clearly the moment he made his
>decision, it seems looking back that time slowed down in that instant.
>It all plays back in my mind in slow motion, but at the time I knew
>what would happen before it happened.
>
>Earl figured that the older boys wanted the basketball and if they had
>it then they might leave him in peace instead of pieces. He figured
>that at the very least if he got rid of the ball some of the boys
>might break off the chase to fetch it and increase his odds of escape
>or survival. While looking over his shoulder Earl tossed the ball high
>into the air. His intent, I think, was to throw it behind him; but
>instead the ball traveled out in front of him. Meanwhile Earl had
>increased his efforts and was kicking his knees high in an attempt to
>cover more ground quicker. The ball landed directly in front of him as
>his right foot came down, full force, on top of it. The result of this
>physics in motion was amazing to see. The weight and force of his foot
>coming down on the ball compressed it almost flat. Water sprayed out
>from beneath the ball in all directions. Then the laws of physics took
>over and an equal and opposite reaction sent Earl high into the air.
>His forward impetus sent him hurtling, ass over teakettle, in a watery
>flip. He landed on his back and slid on the water logged grass some
>ten or twelve feet, sending up a sheet of water on either side of him.
>
>The sight of this was so funny and so bizarre that Tim, me, and the
>others congregated in the hallway, collapsed on the floor laughing. I
>will honestly tell you that I laughed so hard and so long that I did
>accidentally squeeze out a drop of pee in my shorts. It was just a dot
>really, but a drop of pee nonetheless. We howled, we laughed until
>tears were streaming down our faces. The older boys outside in the
>rain were experiencing the same sort of laughter, although they were
>already wet, so I couldn't tell you if they'd peed themselves or not.
>They were either bent over or squatting next to Earl, laughing their
>guts out.
>
>For his part, Earl was trying to figure out what had happened, I
>think. The ball was a good ways behind him, half sunken in the wet
>turf. It hadn't even bounced. It looked like a giant orange mushroom.
>Earl lay on his back, in the rain, either trying to figure out if he
>was hurt or waiting to be hurt by the older boys. He rolled over on
>his stomach to see what they were laughing at. The wet brown stain
>that covered his backside caused another round of hysterical laughing.
>Taking the opportunity of this diversion, Earl got up and sort of
>limped off toward the administration building, making good his escape.
>
>After we all finally stopped laughing, I had to make a quick trip to
>the bathroom. I wasn't the only one.
Great story Doc!
Chad (NP-b24)
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