In article <1m1ma5dcotd18530j5m0hohq9lvsmg2vb1@4ax.com>, NP-f31 wrote:
Great story! Great writing. Thanks Doc.
> How Summer Camp Nearly Ruined Me (Part 1)
>
> Earl was a one-of-a-kind sort of kid. He was unusual; some might say a
> special kid. People might say that he was just misunderstood. I'd say
> he was Crazy 8 Bonkers. As the bus picked him up on the way Summer Day
> Camp he climbed on the bus with his nametag upside down. The bus
> driver made him stand at the front of the bus while he tried to read
> Earl's nametag. Earl just stood there looking at all of us as if he'd
> never seen other kids before.
>
> Earl had pale blue eyes and cropped blonde hair. He had what we used
> to call 'white sidewalls'. That's when the hair on either side of your
> head is buzzed all the way down to the scalp. It made the hair on the
> top of his head stand up like it was getting ready to leave. After the
> initial shock of seeing him for the first time, I didn't think about
> him for a while. I was excited because I was signed up for Summer Day
> Camp with my best friend, Tim. We were going to have some fun!
>
> It wasn't until later that afternoon that I saw Earl again. We were at
> the swimming pool and I was splashing around with Tim and two other
> guys we'd made friends with. One of them, named Pete shouted, "Look
> out! Here comes Earl!" and the two boys swam off in opposite
> directions. Tim, who is probably smarter than me, followed their
> example and swam off in a hurry. I didn't see what the big deal was. I
> saw Earl swimming toward me, in an awkward kind of way, completely
> underwater. He had on underwater goggles and a snorkel, so he didn't
> have to come up for air. I just sort of watched Earl as he swam up to
> me, closer and closer until he reached out and WOAH!
>
> Something about having your wiener pinched by a crazy kid makes you
> capable of swimming away very fast. I was on the swim team and was
> already a pretty fast swimmer, but after my encounter with Earl, I
> know I swam away the fastest I'd ever swum before. I was out of the
> pool so fast I had time to help Tim and my new friends out of the
> water. "Earl pinched my wiener!" I exclaimed unhappily.
>
> "I told you to look out!" cried Pete. "He pinched mine a little while
> ago."
>
> "Well, he's not pinching mine," said Tim.
>
> Earl had made his way over to a corner of the pool, no doubt in search
> of his next victim. The girls, at least, were apparently safe. They
> didn't have wieners. We hurried around the corner to where Earl was
> lying in wait, determined that he not pinch anyone else. When we got
> to his lurking area, we stopped and as a group yelled, 'Earl!'
>
> Earl floated slowly up out of the water, took the snorkel out of his
> mouth, raised his goggles to the top of his head and beheld us with
> what was probably contempt. "What are you looking at? Spy!" he said to
> me accusingly.
>
> "Stop pinching people, Earl!" I yelled. "It's not nice." I was
> wondering if I should threaten him. I was much bigger than him, but I
> didn't want to get into a fight and get expelled from Summer Day Camp
> on the very first day.
>
> Without saying anything, Earl slipped his goggles back on, inserted
> his snorkel and sank beneath the water. An unsuspecting younger boy
> had been scootching along the pool wall in Earl's direction. We saw,
> too late, what was about to happen. We yelled out in warning, but
> sadly didn't know his name. "Hey kid!" we yelled. And about half the
> kids in the pool looked at us, but not him. He was laughing and
> splashing with his sister one second and the next second he let out a
> squeal of pain and shock. He never saw it coming. We felt as if we
> were in that movie 'Jaws' and he was another shark victim. We ran over
> and hauled him out of the water.
>
> whistle blew as the counselors called us out of the pool. It was time
> to go home. Earl avoided us on the bus ride home. It was a good thing
> too. For the rest of the week we made it our policy to make sure we
> knew where Earl was at all times.
>
> That whole first week of camp featured a series of unusual Earl
> behavior. The topper came on Friday. It was probably the funniest
> thing I've ever seen. Friday it rained hard and during our sports
> activity hour we were all herded into the gymnasium of the college
> that was hosting our Summer Day Camp. It was pretty boring. The bigger
> boys were all playing basketball. Tim and I were too short to be
> picked for teams. The girls were either playing badminton, volleyball
> or were sitting in small groups talking politely. So Tim and I
> resorted to smacking tennis balls clear across the gym to see if we
> could hit Earl. We never hit him, but we came close a number of times.
> Earl could never figure out where the tennis balls were coming from.
> He was too engrossed in trying to figure out what was inside the tip
> of a badminton shuttlecock.
>
> Just as we began to tire of hitting tennis balls at Earl, he suddenly
> dropped the shuttlecock and stood up. He seemed to be keenly
> interested in the basketball game that was going on a few feet away
> from him. Tim and I moved closer to the game too because Earl had that
> rodent-like expression on his face that he always got when he was up
> to no good. He sidled his way up to the edge of the court trying to
> look nonchalant. We took up a position directly across from him. We
> were eager to see what he was up to. We found out pretty quickly
> because the basketball was knocked out of bounds and the opportunistic
> Earl scurried to scoop it up.
>
> The bigger boys, some of them teenagers, called to Earl. "Here you go,
> Earl" and looked expectantly for the basketball. Earl just stood there
> looking at them with his weasely expression until one of them took a
> step in his direction. With that, Earl took off past the basketball
> players and scampered out the front door of the gymnasium. The older
> boys looked at each other in disbelief for a few seconds and then took
> off after Earl with a shout of 'Hey!'
>
> "Holy Crap!" I said and looked at Tim, who looked at me with a comical
> expression on his face. We stepped out the side door of the gym into
> the glass-enclosed hallway that encircled the field house. We looked
> to our right and could see that Earl had already run through the lobby
> and out the front doors into the pouring rain. Ten older boys ran
> through the lobby and out the doors in hot pursuit of him.
>
> In front of the gymnasium was a broad expanse of grassy lawn that led
> to the parking lot and the administration building about 50 yards
> away. Earl ran from right to left across our field of vision. Several
> others joined us in the hallway to witness what we were sure would be
> a pummeling of Earl by the older boys. Earl was not a fast runner, in
> fact it seemed like his right leg was faster and took two steps for
> every one that his left leg took. As a result the older boys began to
> gain on him quickly. Earl looked back over his shoulder and saw the
> enmity in the eyes of his pursuers. This seemed to spur him on to a
> more coordinated effort to flee. His gait changed and he began to take
> long strides that resembled a two-legged antelope. His flat feet
> slapped the wet ground with every step kicking up water like little
> explosions. He looked back again. The older boys were getting closer,
> the anger evident on their faces. Earl had not only interrupted their
> game, but dragged them out into the pelting rain on a wild goose
> chase. Apparently he had thoughts of his own mortality and the error
> of his ways. I could see in his face that he was tiring from his
> efforts and was a bit desperate. I saw clearly the moment he made his
> decision, it seems looking back that time slowed down in that instant.
> It all plays back in my mind in slow motion, but at the time I knew
> what would happen before it happened.
>
> Earl figured that the older boys wanted the basketball and if they had
> it then they might leave him in peace instead of pieces. He figured
> that at the very least if he got rid of the ball some of the boys
> might break off the chase to fetch it and increase his odds of escape
> or survival. While looking over his shoulder Earl tossed the ball high
> into the air. His intent, I think, was to throw it behind him; but
> instead the ball traveled out in front of him. Meanwhile Earl had
> increased his efforts and was kicking his knees high in an attempt to
> cover more ground quicker. The ball landed directly in front of him as
> his right foot came down, full force, on top of it. The result of this
> physics in motion was amazing to see. The weight and force of his foot
> coming down on the ball compressed it almost flat. Water sprayed out
> from beneath the ball in all directions. Then the laws of physics took
> over and an equal and opposite reaction sent Earl high into the air.
> His forward impetus sent him hurtling, ass over teakettle, in a watery
> flip. He landed on his back and slid on the water logged grass some
> ten or twelve feet, sending up a sheet of water on either side of him.
>
> The sight of this was so funny and so bizarre that Tim, me, and the
> others congregated in the hallway, collapsed on the floor laughing. I
> will honestly tell you that I laughed so hard and so long that I did
> accidentally squeeze out a drop of pee in my shorts. It was just a dot
> really, but a drop of pee nonetheless. We howled, we laughed until
> tears were streaming down our faces. The older boys outside in the
> rain were experiencing the same sort of laughter, although they were
> already wet, so I couldn't tell you if they'd peed themselves or not.
> They were either bent over or squatting next to Earl, laughing their
> guts out.
>
> For his part, Earl was trying to figure out what had happened, I
> think. The ball was a good ways behind him, half sunken in the wet
> turf. It hadn't even bounced. It looked like a giant orange mushroom.
> Earl lay on his back, in the rain, either trying to figure out if he
> was hurt or waiting to be hurt by the older boys. He rolled over on
> his stomach to see what they were laughing at. The wet brown stain
> that covered his backside caused another round of hysterical laughing.
> Taking the opportunity of this diversion, Earl got up and sort of
> limped off toward the administration building, making good his escape.
>
> After we all finally stopped laughing, I had to make a quick trip to
> the bathroom. I wasn't the only one.
--
Grant
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