Path: news.nzbot.com!spool1.sonic-news.com!news-out.sonic-news.com!iad.highwinds-media.com!feeder.news-service.com!news.alt.net!fictitious-path
From: NP-f31
Newsgroups: alt.fan.prettyboy
Subject: Stories for Boys
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:36:44 -0400
Message-ID: <1m1ma5dcotd18530j5m0hohq9lvsmg2vb1@4ax.com>
X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 4.2/32.1118
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Lines: 177
Organization: Unlimited download news at news.astraweb.com
NNTP-Posting-Host: be8803ef.news.astraweb.com
X-Trace: DXC=l4XnLLbLZK56fPZ:J:\J]<L?0kYOcDh@:b24>gWSaJ\0hTY2hA]098412kPQ[cGDT<;5HAcjeoC`44>RDW02Vg_?^m7`Xd`UVG7
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.fan.prettyboy:6329
How Summer Camp Nearly Ruined Me (Part 1)
Earl was a one-of-a-kind sort of kid. He was unusual; some might say a
special kid. People might say that he was just misunderstood. I'd say
he was Crazy 8 Bonkers. As the bus picked him up on the way Summer Day
Camp he climbed on the bus with his nametag upside down. The bus
driver made him stand at the front of the bus while he tried to read
Earl's nametag. Earl just stood there looking at all of us as if he'd
never seen other kids before.
Earl had pale blue eyes and cropped blonde hair. He had what we used
to call 'white sidewalls'. That's when the hair on either side of your
head is buzzed all the way down to the scalp. It made the hair on the
top of his head stand up like it was getting ready to leave. After the
initial shock of seeing him for the first time, I didn't think about
him for a while. I was excited because I was signed up for Summer Day
Camp with my best friend, Tim. We were going to have some fun!
It wasn't until later that afternoon that I saw Earl again. We were at
the swimming pool and I was splashing around with Tim and two other
guys we'd made friends with. One of them, named Pete shouted, "Look
out! Here comes Earl!" and the two boys swam off in opposite
directions. Tim, who is probably smarter than me, followed their
example and swam off in a hurry. I didn't see what the big deal was. I
saw Earl swimming toward me, in an awkward kind of way, completely
underwater. He had on underwater goggles and a snorkel, so he didn't
have to come up for air. I just sort of watched Earl as he swam up to
me, closer and closer until he reached out and WOAH!
Something about having your wiener pinched by a crazy kid makes you
capable of swimming away very fast. I was on the swim team and was
already a pretty fast swimmer, but after my encounter with Earl, I
know I swam away the fastest I'd ever swum before. I was out of the
pool so fast I had time to help Tim and my new friends out of the
water. "Earl pinched my wiener!" I exclaimed unhappily.
"I told you to look out!" cried Pete. "He pinched mine a little while
ago."
"Well, he's not pinching mine," said Tim.
Earl had made his way over to a corner of the pool, no doubt in search
of his next victim. The girls, at least, were apparently safe. They
didn't have wieners. We hurried around the corner to where Earl was
lying in wait, determined that he not pinch anyone else. When we got
to his lurking area, we stopped and as a group yelled, 'Earl!'
Earl floated slowly up out of the water, took the snorkel out of his
mouth, raised his goggles to the top of his head and beheld us with
what was probably contempt. "What are you looking at? Spy!" he said to
me accusingly.
"Stop pinching people, Earl!" I yelled. "It's not nice." I was
wondering if I should threaten him. I was much bigger than him, but I
didn't want to get into a fight and get expelled from Summer Day Camp
on the very first day.
Without saying anything, Earl slipped his goggles back on, inserted
his snorkel and sank beneath the water. An unsuspecting younger boy
had been scootching along the pool wall in Earl's direction. We saw,
too late, what was about to happen. We yelled out in warning, but
sadly didn't know his name. "Hey kid!" we yelled. And about half the
kids in the pool looked at us, but not him. He was laughing and
splashing with his sister one second and the next second he let out a
squeal of pain and shock. He never saw it coming. We felt as if we
were in that movie 'Jaws' and he was another shark victim. We ran over
and hauled him out of the water.
whistle blew as the counselors called us out of the pool. It was time
to go home. Earl avoided us on the bus ride home. It was a good thing
too. For the rest of the week we made it our policy to make sure we
knew where Earl was at all times.
That whole first week of camp featured a series of unusual Earl
behavior. The topper came on Friday. It was probably the funniest
thing I've ever seen. Friday it rained hard and during our sports
activity hour we were all herded into the gymnasium of the college
that was hosting our Summer Day Camp. It was pretty boring. The bigger
boys were all playing basketball. Tim and I were too short to be
picked for teams. The girls were either playing badminton, volleyball
or were sitting in small groups talking politely. So Tim and I
resorted to smacking tennis balls clear across the gym to see if we
could hit Earl. We never hit him, but we came close a number of times.
Earl could never figure out where the tennis balls were coming from.
He was too engrossed in trying to figure out what was inside the tip
of a badminton shuttlecock.
Just as we began to tire of hitting tennis balls at Earl, he suddenly
dropped the shuttlecock and stood up. He seemed to be keenly
interested in the basketball game that was going on a few feet away
from him. Tim and I moved closer to the game too because Earl had that
rodent-like expression on his face that he always got when he was up
to no good. He sidled his way up to the edge of the court trying to
look nonchalant. We took up a position directly across from him. We
were eager to see what he was up to. We found out pretty quickly
because the basketball was knocked out of bounds and the opportunistic
Earl scurried to scoop it up.
The bigger boys, some of them teenagers, called to Earl. "Here you go,
Earl" and looked expectantly for the basketball. Earl just stood there
looking at them with his weasely expression until one of them took a
step in his direction. With that, Earl took off past the basketball
players and scampered out the front door of the gymnasium. The older
boys looked at each other in disbelief for a few seconds and then took
off after Earl with a shout of 'Hey!'
"Holy Crap!" I said and looked at Tim, who looked at me with a comical
expression on his face. We stepped out the side door of the gym into
the glass-enclosed hallway that encircled the field house. We looked
to our right and could see that Earl had already run through the lobby
and out the front doors into the pouring rain. Ten older boys ran
through the lobby and out the doors in hot pursuit of him.
In front of the gymnasium was a broad expanse of grassy lawn that led
to the parking lot and the administration building about 50 yards
away. Earl ran from right to left across our field of vision. Several
others joined us in the hallway to witness what we were sure would be
a pummeling of Earl by the older boys. Earl was not a fast runner, in
fact it seemed like his right leg was faster and took two steps for
every one that his left leg took. As a result the older boys began to
gain on him quickly. Earl looked back over his shoulder and saw the
enmity in the eyes of his pursuers. This seemed to spur him on to a
more coordinated effort to flee. His gait changed and he began to take
long strides that resembled a two-legged antelope. His flat feet
slapped the wet ground with every step kicking up water like little
explosions. He looked back again. The older boys were getting closer,
the anger evident on their faces. Earl had not only interrupted their
game, but dragged them out into the pelting rain on a wild goose
chase. Apparently he had thoughts of his own mortality and the error
of his ways. I could see in his face that he was tiring from his
efforts and was a bit desperate. I saw clearly the moment he made his
decision, it seems looking back that time slowed down in that instant.
It all plays back in my mind in slow motion, but at the time I knew
what would happen before it happened.
Earl figured that the older boys wanted the basketball and if they had
it then they might leave him in peace instead of pieces. He figured
that at the very least if he got rid of the ball some of the boys
might break off the chase to fetch it and increase his odds of escape
or survival. While looking over his shoulder Earl tossed the ball high
into the air. His intent, I think, was to throw it behind him; but
instead the ball traveled out in front of him. Meanwhile Earl had
increased his efforts and was kicking his knees high in an attempt to
cover more ground quicker. The ball landed directly in front of him as
his right foot came down, full force, on top of it. The result of this
physics in motion was amazing to see. The weight and force of his foot
coming down on the ball compressed it almost flat. Water sprayed out
from beneath the ball in all directions. Then the laws of physics took
over and an equal and opposite reaction sent Earl high into the air.
His forward impetus sent him hurtling, ass over teakettle, in a watery
flip. He landed on his back and slid on the water logged grass some
ten or twelve feet, sending up a sheet of water on either side of him.
The sight of this was so funny and so bizarre that Tim, me, and the
others congregated in the hallway, collapsed on the floor laughing. I
will honestly tell you that I laughed so hard and so long that I did
accidentally squeeze out a drop of pee in my shorts. It was just a dot
really, but a drop of pee nonetheless. We howled, we laughed until
tears were streaming down our faces. The older boys outside in the
rain were experiencing the same sort of laughter, although they were
already wet, so I couldn't tell you if they'd peed themselves or not.
They were either bent over or squatting next to Earl, laughing their
guts out.
For his part, Earl was trying to figure out what had happened, I
think. The ball was a good ways behind him, half sunken in the wet
turf. It hadn't even bounced. It looked like a giant orange mushroom.
Earl lay on his back, in the rain, either trying to figure out if he
was hurt or waiting to be hurt by the older boys. He rolled over on
his stomach to see what they were laughing at. The wet brown stain
that covered his backside caused another round of hysterical laughing.
Taking the opportunity of this diversion, Earl got up and sort of
limped off toward the administration building, making good his escape.
After we all finally stopped laughing, I had to make a quick trip to
the bathroom. I wasn't the only one.
|
|