From The Fort Archives:
Panic in the Fat Girls Bathroom
or
My Latrine Duty Experience
by Dude With the Hair
An interesting thing happened while I was getting ready to clean out
the Fat Girls Bathroom near the back entrance to The Fort. Spencer
(NP-f30) was laughing at me because all he had to do was fill up the
mop bucket before I showed up to do my penance. But to my surprise
Wally (driving junior NP-f32) came around the corner with this sad
sack expression on his face. Tommy had just issued him the newest Fort
Badge. He looked so mournful that I couldn't let him face the restroom
alone. So, being the stand up guy I am, I offered to help. We would be
a team.
Well, we got all of the cleaning supplies together and sauntered
inside the bathroom like we owned the place. To our surprise and
dismay there were about half a dozen fat girls still in the bathroom!
Mind you this was DAYS after Peter~Pan's party was over. I yelled to
the others to run for their lives. Spencer, who was still outside, got
away safely. Thank God, I can only imagine what they would have done
to that sweet innocent boy. However, they were quicker than I thought
and had apparently been hiding out waiting to spring their trap!
Junior and I were cornered.
Junior was ready to defend himself with the mop, all I had was a dirty
rag, but I held it up threateningly. Then I realized, I'd seen these
girls before. Wally looked at me as it occurred to him too. These were
the waitresses from a truck stop outside of Baltimore that we had
visited during last week's road trip. They had followed us back to The
Fort!
They had us surrounded, but it occurred to me that we still had a
chance. So I looked at the fattest one and said, "Shirley?"
She got a surprised look on her face and said, almost automatically,
"What can I getcha, Hon?"
I knew it! Their waitress training had taken over! We could use it to
our advantage. So I headed over to one of the stalls and sat down,
like it was a lunch booth at the Truck Stop. "What's the special,
Shirley?" I asked casually.
Junior caught on to what was happening and stepped into the next booth
and had a seat. Shirley looked at him and said, "I'll be right with
you sweetie." Then she looked at me and took out her little order
book. "Well, the special is salmon patties, but you don't want that."
"Just the cheeseburger platter then," I ordered. Shirley stepped to
the next booth to take Wally's order. The other fat girls were
standing there with their mouths hanging open. They were starting to
get suspicious. I waved to them, "Hey, Linda!" She perked up
immediately and walked over to my 'booth' to chew the fat.
"Where you been, darlin'?" she asked.
"Well, Junior and I have been doing a cultural tour for children these
days, ballet and what not," I said with all seriousness. Then I set my
brilliant plan in motion, "Say, Linda, is there new management here?
This place has gone to hell since the last time I was in here!"
Linda was taken aback. She gave the other girls a look that only fat
girls understand and they immediately started to bustle about cleaning
the entire restroom. It was amazing how fast fat girls can move when
they're in cleaning mode. Linda went to get me a cup of coffee. When
everyone else was busy cleaning, and cooking, god forbid, I left a
couple of dollars on the toilet seat, grabbed junior and snuck out
like I was pulling a dine and dash!
I've never been so scared in my life, I can tell you. But the bathroom
is spotless! Mission accomplished! God bless the fat girls!
Let this cautionary tale be an inspiration to boys and boylovers
alike!
Have A Beautiful Day!
Doc NP-f31
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