On 2009-05-19 22:39:07 -0500, insane for boys! <insane for boys!> said:
> On 2009-05-19 20:39:39 -0500, pedros@nowhere.com said:
>
>> On Mon, 18 May 2009 18:54:30 -0500, insane for boys! <insane for
>> boys!> wrote:
>>
>>> On 2009-05-18 05:33:20 -0500, emil sinclair <es@demian.com> said:
>>>
>>>> Well ... at least your writing has relatively few careless spelling errors
>>>> (though the first of these occurs only a few sentences in: 'extremly.'
>>>>
>>>> That said, this story is exceedingly empty. Virtually zero thought or
>>>> creativity seems to have gone into it. The characters are barely
>>>> one-dimensional. The boys are interchangeable. The setting barely qualifies
>>>> as generic. There is no conflict, no drama, no tension, no whim or desire
>>>> that is not immediately fulfilled. Time has no particular meaning. There is
>>>> not a single feature of this fictional world that reminds us of real life.
>>>>
>>>> This is, I would say, an unintentional self-portrait of an empty mind. The
>>>> closet thing to a problem that these characters must face is a broken
>>>> air-conditioning system in what seems an affluent home. And the two friends
>>>> face the terrible dilemma of having forgotten their swimming suits! Oh my.
>>>>
>>>> All erotic stories are fantasies, in some way, but a rule of fantasy is that
>>>> it must feel real, within its own boundaries. Think of Narnia. This world is
>>>> just ridiculous. Joshua is nude all the time -- therefore nudity has no
>>>> meaning. He sits around playing Playstation nude. He goes swimming nude. He
>>>> slips on boxer shorts to answer the door, then gets naked again. Yawn.
>>>>
>>>> One marvels to contemplate the kind of life 'insaneforboys' has led, to have
>>>> taught him absolutely nothing.
>>>
>>> LMAO!!!!!!
>>>
>>> My story is MAINLY meant to be a porno story so boylovers who read it
>>> can get a good jerk off. That's all. Just a story to make you horny and
>>> have a good orgasm. The reason I put in the broken air conditioning was
>>> so the boys would be naked in the house. The 2 friends forgot their
>>> swimming suits so they would be forced to swim naked. Joshua had to get
>>> nude again because his friends would be swimming nude as well. I
>>> INTENTIONALLY put in very little plot with a generic setting so the
>>> reader could get to the good sexual stuff without having to read a
>>> bunch of stupid plot bullshit. If that wasn't obvious to you, then you
>>> must have some mental problems. With that said, what is your opinion of
>>> the sexual descriptions? Which are the MAIN parts of my story that I am
>>> MOST concerned about. You don't know me personally so how can you make
>>> such judgements? You base them on a PORNO story that I'm writing! WOW!
>>> LMAO!!!!!!!
>>
>> Insane....
>>
>> Unfortunately you are missing the point emil is making about your
>> story and I can only agree with him. Rather than try to ridicule him,
>> take note of what he is saying if you want to improve your writing...I
>> thought that was why you were asking for opinions. There must be
>> eroticism, a buildup of tension and expectation and the characters
>> must be fleshed out to become more real. I have no idea of your life
>> experiences nor would I comment on them, but your story is empty of
>> what constitutes a good story. Even if you are just writing porno for
>> guys to jerk off to, you need to give more thought to the build-up.
>> Just writing about the sexual descriptions makes the acts pointless
>> and false, therefore non-sexy and quite often a 'turn-off'. I am sure
>> most readers of erotic fiction would agree that the building up to the
>> climax is the pleasure one gets whilst reading. There really is no
>> point to your story except to get a group of boys naked and have sex,
>> which is not how boys behave nor are the situations you contrive made
>> 'real'. Yes it is a fantasy, but a very shallow one at that.
>> Try fleshing your story out, try inventing some more realistic
>> situations for the boys to get in to...and try to use a variety of
>> words in your descriptions, especially when describing bodies. And,
>> most of all, learn to accept criticism if you want to be a writer!!!!
>>
>> Pedros
>
> Well, I personally like my story the way it is and it gets me VERY
> horny so it's how I shall continue to write. I do thank you for your
> opinions though. :)
I didn't just start by writing sexual descriptions. I put in the first
part that Joshua got a boner and one of the boys wanted to touch it and
then Joshua got turned on and the other boys wanted to join in so that
was a build up to the sex part. It wasn't like I started the story with
the boys in the middle of an orgy. Also, I put in as little build up as
possible because when I go to sites like nifty to read a story, it's so
I can jerk off and I hate having to read through a bunch of plot
bullshit just to get to the sex part. A little is OK though so you sort
of get to know the characters, but too much just strays me away from
the story. Also, I hate having to search for the ages of the boys so
that's why I put them in the top of part 1. Oh well, it's all in good
fun! :) If it makes you horny, GREAT! If not, that's fine too. :)
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