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From: insane for boys! <insane for boys!>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.prettyboy
Date: Tue, 19 May 2009 22:39:07 -0500
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Subject: Re: This story by 'insane'
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On 2009-05-19 20:39:39 -0500, pedros@nowhere.com said:
> On Mon, 18 May 2009 18:54:30 -0500, insane for boys! <insane for
> boys!> wrote:
>
>> On 2009-05-18 05:33:20 -0500, emil sinclair <es@demian.com> said:
>>
>>> Well ... at least your writing has relatively few careless spelling errors
>>> (though the first of these occurs only a few sentences in: 'extremly.'
>>>
>>> That said, this story is exceedingly empty. Virtually zero thought or
>>> creativity seems to have gone into it. The characters are barely
>>> one-dimensional. The boys are interchangeable. The setting barely qualifies
>>> as generic. There is no conflict, no drama, no tension, no whim or desire
>>> that is not immediately fulfilled. Time has no particular meaning. There is
>>> not a single feature of this fictional world that reminds us of real life.
>>>
>>> This is, I would say, an unintentional self-portrait of an empty mind. The
>>> closet thing to a problem that these characters must face is a broken
>>> air-conditioning system in what seems an affluent home. And the two friends
>>> face the terrible dilemma of having forgotten their swimming suits! Oh my.
>>>
>>> All erotic stories are fantasies, in some way, but a rule of fantasy is that
>>> it must feel real, within its own boundaries. Think of Narnia. This world is
>>> just ridiculous. Joshua is nude all the time -- therefore nudity has no
>>> meaning. He sits around playing Playstation nude. He goes swimming nude. He
>>> slips on boxer shorts to answer the door, then gets naked again. Yawn.
>>>
>>> One marvels to contemplate the kind of life 'insaneforboys' has led, to have
>>> taught him absolutely nothing.
>>
>> LMAO!!!!!!
>>
>> My story is MAINLY meant to be a porno story so boylovers who read it
>> can get a good jerk off. That's all. Just a story to make you horny and
>> have a good orgasm. The reason I put in the broken air conditioning was
>> so the boys would be naked in the house. The 2 friends forgot their
>> swimming suits so they would be forced to swim naked. Joshua had to get
>> nude again because his friends would be swimming nude as well. I
>> INTENTIONALLY put in very little plot with a generic setting so the
>> reader could get to the good sexual stuff without having to read a
>> bunch of stupid plot bullshit. If that wasn't obvious to you, then you
>> must have some mental problems. With that said, what is your opinion of
>> the sexual descriptions? Which are the MAIN parts of my story that I am
>> MOST concerned about. You don't know me personally so how can you make
>> such judgements? You base them on a PORNO story that I'm writing! WOW!
>> LMAO!!!!!!!
>
> Insane....
>
> Unfortunately you are missing the point emil is making about your
> story and I can only agree with him. Rather than try to ridicule him,
> take note of what he is saying if you want to improve your writing...I
> thought that was why you were asking for opinions. There must be
> eroticism, a buildup of tension and expectation and the characters
> must be fleshed out to become more real. I have no idea of your life
> experiences nor would I comment on them, but your story is empty of
> what constitutes a good story. Even if you are just writing porno for
> guys to jerk off to, you need to give more thought to the build-up.
> Just writing about the sexual descriptions makes the acts pointless
> and false, therefore non-sexy and quite often a 'turn-off'. I am sure
> most readers of erotic fiction would agree that the building up to the
> climax is the pleasure one gets whilst reading. There really is no
> point to your story except to get a group of boys naked and have sex,
> which is not how boys behave nor are the situations you contrive made
> 'real'. Yes it is a fantasy, but a very shallow one at that.
> Try fleshing your story out, try inventing some more realistic
> situations for the boys to get in to...and try to use a variety of
> words in your descriptions, especially when describing bodies. And,
> most of all, learn to accept criticism if you want to be a writer!!!!
>
> Pedros
Well, I personally like my story the way it is and it gets me VERY
horny so it's how I shall continue to write. I do thank you for your
opinions though. :)
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