Creation Duel
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth
was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. And God
said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the
fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good. And the Devil
said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of
the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every
creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in
his own image; male and female did He create.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and
fit.
And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the
79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries
with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate.
And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10
pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive
oil with which to cook them."
And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its
own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went
through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those
extra pounds.
And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man
would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And
Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat
and brimming with nutrition.
And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour
cream dip.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips
swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And
Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the
nourishing whole grain brown rice.
And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with
alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of
the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another ten
pounds.
And God created the life-giving tofu.
And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon
returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?"
And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did.
And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of
the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.
darkshadows
"Fort whatever committee"
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