Solomon's Private File #357
These stories about Stephen and Solomon take place starting in
1950's. Stephen wrote about his life in letters to a penpal, and then
in a secure blog, in case he lost his memory again, in the master
computer in his school for gifted students, which he started attending
in 2016 in a new incarnation, until his death. Now his son Solomon is
attending the same school, and is writing in his own secure blog for
his future incarnations.
All characters are fictitious, even if some of them might have names
that belong to some actual people, or act like people we know.
Solomon is 31 in this story, in the Fall of 2057.
Solomon's Private File #357 "A Guard For Improvement"
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A very big man walked into my Assessment office. I greeted him
warmly. He said, "People still talk about what you did to me here." I
said, "Problem?" He grinned and said, "No! Not many people can claim
such a famous thing. Being kicked out by you, for real!" We grinned. I
said, "So, what can I do to, er, for you?" Chuckles. He said, "I want
to study a martial art to improve myself. I figure Aikido might help. I
already know Shotokan. Is there anybody you can recommend?" I said,
"Many. Got any preferences to help us narrow down the list?" He said,
"Somebody on the force?" I said, "Only one we have who's qualified to
teach it, is the Academy Head Trainer. Not much smaller than you, too."
Grins. He said, "Would he take me as a student?"
I said, "Want me to ask him?" He said, "Oh! Yes, I would really
chuckled. I made the call. Stan was in his office. I said, "I have a
friend here who's looking for a martial arts teacher. He works here,
and wants one of the Bureau." He said, "What style?" I said, "Aikido.
You're the only one qualified." He said, "Tell me more about him." I
said to the guard, "He wants to know more about you. Restrictions?" He
grinned widely, and shook his head." I said, "When he first applied
here, I had to kick him out my my office. Er, literally." He said,
"That one!" I said, "I think he heard you, and he's grinning. He's
looking for self improvement. Chose that. Asked me for recommendations
on who would throw him around the best. Or something like that." Grins.
He said, "I don't have my own school here, but the gym is still set
up with your er, stuff. Have him call me to set up a visit. Tryout goes
well, we'll see." I said, "I'll tell him. Thanks." I wrote down the
name and number on my card and gave it to him. I said, "He wants you to
call him and set up an appointment to see him. Could be a little
tryout. Goes well, could be the start of a new you." He said, "Thank
you, sir!" I said, "No need. I'm all for self improvement." I offered
to hug him, and he was embarrassed, but came into my arms. He was even
more embarrassed by his reaction. I said, "Don't worry about it.
Happens a lot. More interesting with aliens." He said, "Wow!" I said,
"Some of them say that. More, when I have to clean them up." He almost
said it again. We grinned.
A woman came in, and said, "I'm feeling smaller than usual." I said,
"That doesn't surprise me." Grins. I looked at her file, and said, "Oh,
a private eye. Which one?" She grinned, and said, "I alternate." I
said, "Good. Wouldn't want a lazy eye." She said, "Right. Who nose what
would happen?" I said, "Did you come ear to say that?" She was stuck
for a reply. I said, "Good idea to lose to the interviewer." She said,
to do that outside with men in the winter, though." She got it and
laughed hard, and said, "Testicles!" I said, "Did you want them to hear
that out there?" She said, "Oops!"
I said, "Let's do some tests." After them, I said, "I was right.
Caution is for other people." She said, "I have to admit I might have a
little less than I should have of that. Necessary for my work. I'll
have to fix that here." I said, "It will get fixed at the Academy. Er,
if you're hired. Please take this back to Personnel." On her way out, I
said, "Don't disappoint me." She tried not to grin.
A man came in. I looked at his file, and said, "You're nervous. Why?"
He said, "This is an important step for me. I don't know what will
happen." I said, "I said, "Ha! You don't know what nervous is. I see
all kinds of people here. Never know what they're going to do. Some
have been violent. Some were sick. One had a bomb!" He was much calmer,
and smiled, and said, "I understand. You have more cause to be nervous
than I have." I said, "I had a general in here. HE was nervous. Make
you feel better?" He grinned, and said, "It shouldn't, but it has." We
did the tests. I said, "You've got some problems. Academically, you're
very qualified. Emotionally, I'm not sure you can handle the Academy.
Much more intensive than a Police Academy. I can't approve you at this
time." He said, "Would you recommend something that would help me to
improve?" I said, "I approve of that question." He tried to hide his
pleasure at that. I looked at him critically, "Promising." He had to
grin. I said, "Oh well. I recommend taking up a martial art. That
should give you confidence. No, we don't need it for applicants as a
skill, but it does help in who the whole person is. Give it six months.
I'll put your application on hold." He left, feeling positive.
A man swaggered into my office. I said on the intercom, "Please send
Cindy in here." I said to the man, "My daughter is visiting me here,
and would like to help me in my work." I said to Dawn in her disguise,
"Please escort this man out of the building. He's only a second degree,
and very full of himself. He makes any trouble, flatten him. That's a
nice girl." She said, brightly, "Sure thing, Dad." She said, "Come on
mister, let's go." He looked confused, and took a step, and then
stopped. She said, "Come on, the big outside is waiting." He didn't
move. She took his hand and pulled. He resisted. She converted her grip
to a wrist and finger lock, and he went, and in pain. On tiptoe,
mostly. He noticed the grins, and really wasn't happy about that. At
the main entrance, my big guard friend, who I had called to tell him
what was happening, said, "Helping your Dad?" She said, "Yep. Taking
out the trash." They tried not to laugh.
He tried to hit her, She took the other hand in a lock, avoiding a
kick, and said, "I'm a little young to be dancing with adults, even if
they act like babies. Play nice, you get to walk down the steps. Don't,
you'll start chewing on them. Choice?" He said, "Alright!" She let go,
and he didn't cause any more trouble. Big guard said to her, "Well
done. He must be proud of you." She said, "Thanks. I hope. Someday,
you're going to have some teeth marks down there." Chuckles. I gave her
my loving approval in contact.
A man came in, wearing a turban, a beard, and a white robe. I said,
"You want to be a special agent. That's not going to happen. No, it's
not about religion, but practicality. And you also don't qualify
academically. They probably sent you here out of cowardice." He
grinned, and said, "They were afraid to tell me?" I said, "Not really.
Probably thought that being a psychologist, I would handle it better.
Alright, they were afraid." Chuckles. I said, "But not like you
thought. They didn't want to make you feel bad." He said, "I
understand." I said, "There are other positions. None are available
now, and there is a long waiting list. Some, by the time they get to
the head of it, would be past retirement age." He tried not to smile.
He said, "You recognized my religion?" I said, "Sure. It's not as if
you can hide it. One of India's better exports." He laughed. I said,
"I'm surprised you applied. This is NOT a non violent agency. Testing
us?" He grinned, and said, "Yes. Ah, I see. You would know." I said,
"We're the best in the world. That doesn't stop at my Department door.
And we're inclusive, not just because it's the law, but because we WANT
to be." He said, "I noticed that. Do you support religions here?" I
said, "We support our people in all appropriate things. We have chapels
and chaplains. Even a divided Muslim prayer room, oriented toward the
er, orient." He smiled, and said, "That's good to hear."
I said, "We have a little problem. This is a Federal Security Zone.
Talking about anything here, out there without permission, is a
felony." He said, "You suspected I might want to tell my people how
nice you have been about this." I said, "As people, we would like that,
but as professionals who are sworn to uphold the law, well, our
personal feelings are very much the secondary. If you can say what you
wish without mentioning specifics, even about which departments exist,
that should be alright. But really not names and positions. Had an
assassin target me here." He said, "Oh! I understand. But he obviously
didn't succeed." I said, "Oh, you noticed!" Chuckles. I said, "No
guards here. Too intimidating to nervous clients. All my psychologists
are black belts. Being the boss, I'm better. Well, that's what they say
when they know I can hear them." He laughed.
We stood, and I went out to reception with him. I said to the office
manager, "I'm escorting our distinguished visitor out, and then I'll be
having words with Personnel." She tried not to grin. Same for the other
office people. That was noticed by some clients. In the hall, he said,
"Their reaction. They like and respect you." I said, "You know more."
He said, "She will warn them, as you intended." I said, "And she knows
I know that." He said, "It's like a family here." I said, "Yes it is,
and we like it." At the guard station, he gave them his visitor's pass.
We shook hands, and he left.
I walked into Personnel, and could see they were expecting me. I
looked at each of them, and then said, "Mabel?" She said, "Er, yes?" I
nodded. She got up, and we went into Jerry's office. He said, "We've
been warned." I said, "We were sent an applicant who couldn't possibly
qualify. Why?" He said, "Er, ah, we thought it would be better if you
told him that." I said, "I was right. I told him you were cowards." I
grinned at their reactions. I said, "He was testing us." Mabel said,
"Oh!" I said, "He didn't want to work here. Would be forbidden. I had
to talk him out of giving a too specific glowing report. That I had to
make happen. You could have done it just as well, and you should have,
for your own self improvement." They looked surprised, and then
thoughtful. I hugged them with love.
Back in Assessments, the staff were obviously very curious. I
pointedly ignored that, and said, "Next?" A man followed me into my
office. As I was looking at his file, he said, "What was that all
about?" I said, "This is about your evaluation." He took the hint well.
I said, "You look fit. Think you should go through the Academy?" He
said, "Is it a requirement to teach there?" I said, "Should it be?" He
said, "If possible, I think it should be." I nodded, and said, "Let's
do some tests." We did. I said, "What are you running from?" He said,
"You're good! Alright. Too many students at the university were hitting
on me. It was causing some controversy. Admin and I thought it better
understand. Treat a student well, they want to climb all over you." He
chuckled, and said, "You've obviously been a teacher." I said, "Yes.
Still am. Any of that climbing actually happen?" He said, "No. I'm very
happily married, and with two great children." I nodded. I said,
"Academy does approvals for their positions, after they make it through
us. Please ask the office manager to set that up for you." He left,
highly recommended.
A man came in. I looked at his file, and said, "A police officer. We
get a lot here. So, why the switch?" He said, "In my area, the
criminals are just kids and drug dealers. It's a lot of routine work. I
think the work the FBI does is more interesting." I faked using the
computer for research. Then I asked on the intercom, for one of the
secretaries to bring me something, and noted his reaction to her. She
noticed it, and nodded to me. I said to the applicant, "Please take
this back with you to Personnel." He said, "I'm not approved?" I said,
"All the files go back, but they don't actually walk very well." He
said, "But I need to know!" I said, "We prefer to avoid the reaction to
that here, either way." He said, "But I really need to know!" I said,
"Fine. NOW, you're not approved. We prefer people who can actually
follow instructions. Now get out of my office."
He was very angry, and about to attack me. I said, "You should
reconsider that. We have no guards here. We don't need them. Get it?"
He didn't, and came around my desk, and tried to punch me in the face.
I took it in an arm bar to the top of my desk, and said, "Told you."
Then I turned him around, and had him cuffed in half a second, hands
behind his back. I perp walked him to the door, and said, "You can come
in now!" It opened, and my friend was there, with another guard and an
agent. I said, "He tried to hit me. He's a cop under investigation.
Bias abuse. He wanted to know if he was approved. That's a big NO.
Here's some info." I gave the agent a card. As they were dragging him
out, my friend said, "You tried to hit him? Buddy, you do NOT want to
even think of doing that! I tried that the first time I applied here.
He kicked me out of his office. I mean a real kick! Over his desk and
into my chest. I went flying, and I'm no frequent flyer." Laughter
erupted in the office. He grinned.
He was the last client. I said to the staff, as they were closing,
"An unusual day." One said, "The man in the turban?" I said, "Not a
serious applicant. He was testing us. Not qualified. Personnel passed
the buck. Wanted me to break the bad news." Grins. One said, "Cindy
your real daughter?" I said, "For shame! You should know not to ask
that kind of thing. But if she isn't, I would like her to be. Well, all
of our people here. I think you know that." Nods. There was a lot of
love there, as usual.
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Grant
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