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Subject: Re: +*+*+*+ Stephen's Secure Blog #267 "Golf, Anyone?" +*+*+*+
Date: Wed, 25 Dec 2013 18:02:55 -0500
From: " +Grant. " <+Grant@grant.grant>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.prettyboy
Reply-To: +Grant.
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In article <52b8a2cd$0$1368$c3e8da3$b1356c67@news.astraweb.com>,
<how@where.com> wrote:
> " +Grant. " <+Grant@grant.grant> wrote in news:52b4dc66$0$16544$c3e8da3
> $40cb80c2@news.astraweb.com:
>
> >
> >
> > Stephen's Secure Blog #267
> >
> > These stories about Stephen began was when he was 10 years old, and
> > moving to a new part of the country to attend a special school for
> > gifted students, in the 1950's. This was from a time before computers
> > would fit on a desk, and when people communicated with friends in other
> > countries by actual letters sent through the postal service. He wrote
> > 225 of them to a friend. He stopped writing to his penpal, but found he
> > still wanted to record his life, in case he lost his memory again, and
> > wrote 30 entries in his first logbook. Then he wrote to an artificial
> > intelligence called Geenee, in the master computer in his school for
> > gifted students, which he started attending in 2016. Now it's after
> > 2018, and he's continuing to save his memories in a secure blog.
> > All characters are fictitious, even if some of them might have names
> > that belong to some actual people, or act like people we know.
> > The stories may not be posted in chronological order.
> > Stephen is 17 in this story, in spring of year 7 of his special school.
> >
> >
> > Stephen's Secure Blog #267 "Golf, Anyone?"
> Hi Grant
> many thanks
> Your blog is being archived for a future read for me some time in the
> future, my reading habits flux and wane depending on work but I realy
> must spend more time with my head in a book
>
> best wishes
> Cosmos
> >
> >
I have an actual possible reader! Thanks Cosmos!
Best wished to you, too.
And everybody else here.
Grant
> > START Page
> >
> >
> > A Priest, a Rabbi, an Imam and a Buddhist Lama in blue, walked onto a
> > golf course in Georgia. That's no joke, even though it felt like it. We
> > spoke in public before the game. The announcer said first, our names
> > and religions, and said that we were playing for our favorite
> > charities. We each announced what they were. Then we were questioned.
> > The others all were good golfers. I was the last to face the reporters.
> > I was asked, "And how long have you been playing golf?" I said "I'll
> > let you know after we finish playing." He said "I mean, before this." I
> > said "I have never played golf in all my lives." He looked surprised,
> > and said, "Then how can you play it?" I said "I don't know. We will
> > just have to see what happens. Just hitting that little ball, well is
> > it alright if I motivate myself by imagining the face of my of my
> > manager and agent, on the ball as a target?" They laughed. I said
> > "Well, this was all his idea. He said it would be fun. I don't see it.
> > You whack the ball away from you, then you have to go get it. Then you
> > whack it away from you AGAIN. And again. And if that isn't difficult
> > enough, you knock it into sand traps and water hazards, and then try to
> > get it into a little cup, with some flying creatures called birdies and
> > eagles. People actually PAY to do this." There was some shocked
> > laughter. I pointed to the almost hysterical Chad, and said, "That's
> > HIM! He got me into this!" Some laughter. The announcer said, "You
> > never played the game? How can you think you can win?" I said "It's for
> > charity. It doesn't matter which one of us wins. Whatever happens, one
> > of the charities wins. That's all I care about. If people like to watch
> > these things, then I'm happy to help them do that." He said "Wow!" I
> > said "I've heard that before." Some laughter.
> >
> > At the first tee, the others shot first, and had good lays, so they
> > said. Then I went up to the ball. I said to the Imam, "I'm supposed to
> > address the ball? There isn't much space to write on it." He cracked
> > up. So did the crowd. I said "How can we aim the ball for the cup, when
> > we can't even see it from here?" He said "Have you studied the course?"
> > I said "I've looked at the maps and diagrams, of er, course." More
> > laughter. He said "Then you should aim for where you want the ball to
> > go, so it lands where you will have a clear shot at the green." I said
> > "Where the cup is? I ask, because there is a LOT of green around here."
> > He said "That's what they call the smooth grassy area around the cup."
> > I said, "Thank you. Not very imaginative, are they. Well, it's a good
> > thing they don't call it a blue, or I would be in severe danger." They
> > laughed. The caddy handed me a club. I held the handle in one hand, and
> > swung it hard at the ball, and the club went flying out of my hand, and
> > disappeared into the distance. Then the obviously shocked announcer,
> > said, "I don't believe it! He made a whole in one, with his CLUB!" The
> > Priest said, "Oh my God!" I said to him, "Oh, is it alright for me to
> > blame your God for that, too?" He laughed almost hysterically, and then
> > said, "I don't think He would want that blame." He laughed some more.
> >
> > I said, "Do I get another chance to whack the poor ball?" They said I
> > did, and the caddy handed me another club. The Priest said, "You might
> > want to hold the club in two hands, like this." I said "Thank you, I
> > will. I think I should't try so hard, too." I whacked the ball, and it
> > went up very high in the air, all the way to the green, and bounced off
> > of it and into the ruff, which was announced. The Rabbi said, "I've
> > never seen a ball fly that high before." I said "I don't know, but it
> > might have been trying to get away from me." They cracked up, and so
> > did the crowd. We all walked down the fairway, to where the first ball
> > was, and the Rabbi hit it closer to the green. Then the Priest, and
> > then the Imam. When we were near my shot, I went to where the ball was
> > in the rough, and yelled out, "Can I cut the grass? My ball can't see
> > where it's supposed to go." There was some laughter, and I was told I
> > couldn't do that. I said "Ah, that flagpole in the hole. How can the
> > ball fit in there with that in it?" Somebody ran out to pull it out. I
> > said "Ha! A moving target!" Some laughter, and he ran faster, causing
> > more laughter. The caddy handed me a club. I said "This is different
> > from the last one. Why can't I use the one I used before?" He obviously
> > didn't know what to say. I said "Please give me that one." He did. I
> > hit the ball up, and right into the cup. The announcer said, "That's
> > amazing! He hit it right into the cup with an eight iron!" I yelled out
> > to him, "It's made of steel, not iron. Oh, and why is it amazing? Isn't
> > that where the poor abused ball is supposed to go?" He laughed, and
> > said "Er, yes. You can take it out now." I said "It sure doesn't get
> > much rest in there." More laughter. The other golfers took a lot more
> > shots, before they were finished with the first hole.
> >
> > On the way to the next hole, the Imam said to me, "Still, that is
> > amazing for somebody who has never played golf." I said "Well, I'm
> > highly trained in athletics, and I'm in instant calculator. Golf is one
> > of the few sports I've never tried, and I've played some sports which
> > would not be allowed in modern times, in my past lives." He asked, with
> > interest, "Such as?" I said "Such as a kind of polo, using the severed
> > heads of our enemies." He said "Right. That would not be allowed." I
> > said "Right. Hard to find enemy volunteers." They laughed. The Rabbi
> > said, "With your humor, you must have some Jewish blood in you." I said
> > to him, "I assure you, even gentile blood is not one of my usual
> > beverages." They laughed very hard at that. I said "In my last
> > incarnation, my wife was Jewish." He said "You believe in
> > reincarnation?" I said "I don't have a choice. I remember mine, going
> > back 74,000 years, with total recall. I deliberately reincarnated into
> > who I wanted to, the last two times. I've been a lot of people, in a
> > lot of religions." The Priest said to the others, "The Vatican has a
> > file on him. We believe some Saints speak through him. Buddhists
> > believe he actually was those Saints, and is one now. In any case, he
> > has given us information about them that only we knew, and some we only
> > discovered after more research." He smiled and said, "He has a good
> > reputation with us, and it is known that he never lies." I bowed to
> > him, which he returned.
> >
> > At the tee for the next hole, we were getting ready, when somebody in
> > the crowd pulled a gun, and shot at the Imam. I flashed into position
> > in front of him, and caught the bullet. I said to the gunman, "HOLD
> > RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!" He froze because of my command, and because of my
> > 4th hands. I walked up to him, and the crowd ran away from us. I took
> > his gun. I told the man in my command voice, "You will never lie. You
> > will answer all my questions, and from anybody in the law enforcement
> > and judicial systems!" In my regular voice, I said "Who were you trying
> > to shoot?" He said "That Islam terrorist." I said "Terrorist? Did you
> > think he had explosive balls?" He said "No, but he's a terrorist." I
> > said "Do you know of any specific illegal activity he has been engaged
> > in, which supports terrorism?" He said "No, but he's a terrorist. All
> > those bastards are!" I said "Are you aware that Islamic terrorists kill
> > more Islamic people, than they do those of other faiths?" He looked
> > surprised. I said "Yes, it's true. It's all over the news, which you
> > would know, if you had paid attention. Are you a Christian?" He said
> > proudly, "Yes I am!" I said "No you are not! Would Jesus have approved
> > of you murdering another person, especially one who has committed no
> > crime?" He looked indecisive. I said "You know he would NOT. If you do
> > not follow Jesus and what he taught, then you are not a Christian. If
> > you do not obey the Ten Commandments, then you are not a Jew, and
> > doubly not a Christian. Nor are you a Muslim or a Buddhist. You belong
> > to no religion, and none should claim you as are you are now. If you
> > want to know God, through any faith, make yourself worthy of Him, and
> > he will come to you." The police had arrived. I gave them the gun, and
> > to their complete surprise, the bullet, and told them the short version
> > of what had happened. I said I would make a full statement later, if
> > needed. My Ki was flowing with its full force, and they agreed with my
> > wishes, and escorted the prisoner away.
> >
> > I went back to the others, who were standing there with their mouths
> > hanging open, and said to them, "That man was REALLY teed off." They
> > almost choked to death, trying not to laugh. Soon, we were allowed to
> > resume play. They didn't do as well as they had before. I commented,
> > "Obviously not explosive balls." They laughed. I looked at all the
> > irons and woods, and said, "So they have different angles. I'll use
> > that one. Hey you three. A bet, if I get a hole in one, you each have
> > to tell a joke before the next hole." The Priest said, "What if you
> > lose the bet?" I said "You get to laugh at me before I tell a joke."
> > They laughed, and I said, "Hey, I haven't lost yet." They laughed some
> > more. I just shook my head in sadness, and they laughed again. Well, I
> > did it. Two bounces, and it went in the hole next to the flag. The
> > announcer said, "A whole in one! Amazing!" I yelled out to him, "What's
> > so amazing about what we are supposed to be doing?" He said, patiently,
> > "It's supposed to be so difficult, it's next to impossible." I said
> > "You make the game too difficult to play, and then you make people play
> > coming to." The Imam said to me, "The game is the journey, more than
> > the goal." I grinned, and bowed to him. The others were looking
> > thoughtful, all the way to the next shot.
> >
> > While walking to the next tee, I said "I'm waiting for the jokes you
> > owe me." The Imam said "A Priest, and Rabbi, and a Buddhist Lama, were
> > walking down the street. Two of them walked into a bar, the other one
> > ducked under it." The Rabbi laughed. I said "Good one!" The Priest
> > said, "The bar, was an Imam holding It?" The Imam grinned, and said,
> > "Weak, but I'll accept it." I turned to the Rabbi, and he said:
> > "A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Myers Florida .
> > She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his
> > blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she
> > attempted to strike up a conversation with him. 'Hello, sir, how are
> > you today?
> > 'Fine, thank you,' he responded, and turned back to his book.
> > 'I love the beach. Do you come here often?' she asked.
> > 'First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,' he replied and
> > turned back to his book.
> > 'I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is
> > very lonely' she countered. 'Do you live around here?' she asked.
> > 'Yes, I live over in Cape Coral,' he answered, and again resumed
> > reading.
> > Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, 'Do you like
> > pussy cats?'
> > With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and onto
> > her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her
> > life!
> > When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man,
> > 'How did you know that was what I wanted?'
> > The man replied, 'How did you know my name was Katz?"
> >
> > We laughed loudly. The Priest, when he could, said, "I hope they
> > didn't hear that." I said "Right, or they'll all be going to Ft.
> > Myers." They laughed. At the next tee, I deliberately sent the ball
> > into a water hazard. The announcer said, "The player must choose to
> > accept a penalty of one stroke, or play it where it lies." I said "I'll
> > play it where it lies." He said "But it's under the water!" I said
> > "That's what it gets for lying." Some laughter. I said "Don't worry,
> > that's my problem. Anyway, you're too far away to get splashed." Some
> > laughter. Chad said in contact, +No, you wouldn't!+ I said +I already
> > caught a bullet on camera. The cat's out of the golf bag, so, watch me.
> > Moses reprise, here we come!+ He laughed. The Rabbi was looking at me
> > with some speculation. In a way the others couldn't see, I winked at
> > him. He looked surprised, and then nodded acceptance, and then said,
> > "That is going to be very interesting. Tell me, have you written about
> > some of your past lives?" I said "I have, and have published some under
> > my name, and some under pen names. Some were labeled fiction. Some will
> > not be published, where they could cause some problems. History, as we
> > know it, isn't always entirely accurate."
> >
> > He said "Is the Torah accurate?" I said "Considering that much of it
> > was passed down through word of mouth, before it was first written, and
> > was from the limited understanding of prescientific people, what I know
> > of it, compared to my own experiences, is surprisingly accurate, even
> > in areas where modern readers might not accept that. However, there are
> > many semantic and idiomatic misunderstandings, and some deliberate
> > mistranslations and omissions, and some careless lack of accuracy and
> > deliberate er, constructions." The Imam said "Does Allah exist?" I said
> > "Buddhism is basically a philosophy of personal self improvement, and
> > uses some odd, to Western science, scientific principles to train and
> > operate some unusual talents, to which some have added the trappings of
> > a religion, out of the basic need to have something to pray to. I am a
> > scientist. As such, my opinion on that is based on my knowledge of this
> > science, my observations and explorations, and credible reports of
> > others who have done the same. In basic concept, God does exist, and
> > does influence our lives. Which at times, can be very annoying." The
> > Rabbi said "Don't we know it!" We all laughed.
> >
> > When we got to the water hazard. I walked around it and studied it.
> > The Rabbi followed me closely. We were both amused by that, and shared
> > it. I got between the ball and the cup on the green, and pointed to the
> > green with one arm, and stretched out the other arm, with a wedge in
> > it, over the water to the where the ball was, and while looking at the
> > cup, I said "This is the line, so the ball lies in that direction," and
> > turned to my head to the water, to see it was parting, and exposing the
> > floor of the pond, and the ball on it. I said, brightly, "And there it
> > is!" I went down into the pond, my feet making disgusting squelching
> > noises in the mud, and approached the ball. I gave it a good whack with
> > the club, splashing mud all over me and everywhere else, and up and out
> > of the hazard the ball went, and bounced and rolled into the cup. I
> > walked up out of the pond, and looked down at me, and waved my arm, and
> > I was all clean. I turned to look at the pond, and nodded, and the
> > water filled in the space from where it had parted. There was stunned
> > silence from those who had seen some of that, and curious murmuring
> > from those who wondered at that, who hadn't seen it. I called out, "Ah,
> > Mister Announcer, shouldn't you be telling the people the score, and
> > telling them we are going on to the next hole?" He did that, stuttering
> > a little. The Rabbi was grinning his face almost in half. I wiggled my
> > eyebrows at him, and he laughed. I said "So, let's go whack some more
> > innocent balls." The other two laughed, too, and we went to do that.
> >
> >
> > END Page
> >
>
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Grant
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