" +Grant. " <+Grant@grant.grant> wrote in news:52b4dc66$0$16544$c3e8da3
$40cb80c2@news.astraweb.com:
>
>
> Stephen's Secure Blog #267
>
> These stories about Stephen began was when he was 10 years old, and
> moving to a new part of the country to attend a special school for
> gifted students, in the 1950's. This was from a time before computers
> would fit on a desk, and when people communicated with friends in other
> countries by actual letters sent through the postal service. He wrote
> 225 of them to a friend. He stopped writing to his penpal, but found he
> still wanted to record his life, in case he lost his memory again, and
> wrote 30 entries in his first logbook. Then he wrote to an artificial
> intelligence called Geenee, in the master computer in his school for
> gifted students, which he started attending in 2016. Now it's after
> 2018, and he's continuing to save his memories in a secure blog.
> All characters are fictitious, even if some of them might have names
> that belong to some actual people, or act like people we know.
> The stories may not be posted in chronological order.
> Stephen is 17 in this story, in spring of year 7 of his special school.
>
>
> Stephen's Secure Blog #267 "Golf, Anyone?"
Hi Grant
many thanks
Your blog is being archived for a future read for me some time in the
future, my reading habits flux and wane depending on work but I realy
must spend more time with my head in a book
best wishes
Cosmos
>
>
> START Page
>
>
> A Priest, a Rabbi, an Imam and a Buddhist Lama in blue, walked onto a
> golf course in Georgia. That's no joke, even though it felt like it. We
> spoke in public before the game. The announcer said first, our names
> and religions, and said that we were playing for our favorite
> charities. We each announced what they were. Then we were questioned.
> The others all were good golfers. I was the last to face the reporters.
> I was asked, "And how long have you been playing golf?" I said "I'll
> let you know after we finish playing." He said "I mean, before this." I
> said "I have never played golf in all my lives." He looked surprised,
> and said, "Then how can you play it?" I said "I don't know. We will
> just have to see what happens. Just hitting that little ball, well is
> it alright if I motivate myself by imagining the face of my of my
> manager and agent, on the ball as a target?" They laughed. I said
> "Well, this was all his idea. He said it would be fun. I don't see it.
> You whack the ball away from you, then you have to go get it. Then you
> whack it away from you AGAIN. And again. And if that isn't difficult
> enough, you knock it into sand traps and water hazards, and then try to
> get it into a little cup, with some flying creatures called birdies and
> eagles. People actually PAY to do this." There was some shocked
> laughter. I pointed to the almost hysterical Chad, and said, "That's
> HIM! He got me into this!" Some laughter. The announcer said, "You
> never played the game? How can you think you can win?" I said "It's for
> charity. It doesn't matter which one of us wins. Whatever happens, one
> of the charities wins. That's all I care about. If people like to watch
> these things, then I'm happy to help them do that." He said "Wow!" I
> said "I've heard that before." Some laughter.
>
> At the first tee, the others shot first, and had good lays, so they
> said. Then I went up to the ball. I said to the Imam, "I'm supposed to
> address the ball? There isn't much space to write on it." He cracked
> up. So did the crowd. I said "How can we aim the ball for the cup, when
> we can't even see it from here?" He said "Have you studied the course?"
> I said "I've looked at the maps and diagrams, of er, course." More
> laughter. He said "Then you should aim for where you want the ball to
> go, so it lands where you will have a clear shot at the green." I said
> "Where the cup is? I ask, because there is a LOT of green around here."
> He said "That's what they call the smooth grassy area around the cup."
> I said, "Thank you. Not very imaginative, are they. Well, it's a good
> thing they don't call it a blue, or I would be in severe danger." They
> laughed. The caddy handed me a club. I held the handle in one hand, and
> swung it hard at the ball, and the club went flying out of my hand, and
> disappeared into the distance. Then the obviously shocked announcer,
> said, "I don't believe it! He made a whole in one, with his CLUB!" The
> Priest said, "Oh my God!" I said to him, "Oh, is it alright for me to
> blame your God for that, too?" He laughed almost hysterically, and then
> said, "I don't think He would want that blame." He laughed some more.
>
> I said, "Do I get another chance to whack the poor ball?" They said I
> did, and the caddy handed me another club. The Priest said, "You might
> want to hold the club in two hands, like this." I said "Thank you, I
> will. I think I should't try so hard, too." I whacked the ball, and it
> went up very high in the air, all the way to the green, and bounced off
> of it and into the ruff, which was announced. The Rabbi said, "I've
> never seen a ball fly that high before." I said "I don't know, but it
> might have been trying to get away from me." They cracked up, and so
> did the crowd. We all walked down the fairway, to where the first ball
> was, and the Rabbi hit it closer to the green. Then the Priest, and
> then the Imam. When we were near my shot, I went to where the ball was
> in the rough, and yelled out, "Can I cut the grass? My ball can't see
> where it's supposed to go." There was some laughter, and I was told I
> couldn't do that. I said "Ah, that flagpole in the hole. How can the
> ball fit in there with that in it?" Somebody ran out to pull it out. I
> said "Ha! A moving target!" Some laughter, and he ran faster, causing
> more laughter. The caddy handed me a club. I said "This is different
> from the last one. Why can't I use the one I used before?" He obviously
> didn't know what to say. I said "Please give me that one." He did. I
> hit the ball up, and right into the cup. The announcer said, "That's
> amazing! He hit it right into the cup with an eight iron!" I yelled out
> to him, "It's made of steel, not iron. Oh, and why is it amazing? Isn't
> that where the poor abused ball is supposed to go?" He laughed, and
> said "Er, yes. You can take it out now." I said "It sure doesn't get
> much rest in there." More laughter. The other golfers took a lot more
> shots, before they were finished with the first hole.
>
> On the way to the next hole, the Imam said to me, "Still, that is
> amazing for somebody who has never played golf." I said "Well, I'm
> highly trained in athletics, and I'm in instant calculator. Golf is one
> of the few sports I've never tried, and I've played some sports which
> would not be allowed in modern times, in my past lives." He asked, with
> interest, "Such as?" I said "Such as a kind of polo, using the severed
> heads of our enemies." He said "Right. That would not be allowed." I
> said "Right. Hard to find enemy volunteers." They laughed. The Rabbi
> said, "With your humor, you must have some Jewish blood in you." I said
> to him, "I assure you, even gentile blood is not one of my usual
> beverages." They laughed very hard at that. I said "In my last
> incarnation, my wife was Jewish." He said "You believe in
> reincarnation?" I said "I don't have a choice. I remember mine, going
> back 74,000 years, with total recall. I deliberately reincarnated into
> who I wanted to, the last two times. I've been a lot of people, in a
> lot of religions." The Priest said to the others, "The Vatican has a
> file on him. We believe some Saints speak through him. Buddhists
> believe he actually was those Saints, and is one now. In any case, he
> has given us information about them that only we knew, and some we only
> discovered after more research." He smiled and said, "He has a good
> reputation with us, and it is known that he never lies." I bowed to
> him, which he returned.
>
> At the tee for the next hole, we were getting ready, when somebody in
> the crowd pulled a gun, and shot at the Imam. I flashed into position
> in front of him, and caught the bullet. I said to the gunman, "HOLD
> RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!" He froze because of my command, and because of my
> 4th hands. I walked up to him, and the crowd ran away from us. I took
> his gun. I told the man in my command voice, "You will never lie. You
> will answer all my questions, and from anybody in the law enforcement
> and judicial systems!" In my regular voice, I said "Who were you trying
> to shoot?" He said "That Islam terrorist." I said "Terrorist? Did you
> think he had explosive balls?" He said "No, but he's a terrorist." I
> said "Do you know of any specific illegal activity he has been engaged
> in, which supports terrorism?" He said "No, but he's a terrorist. All
> those bastards are!" I said "Are you aware that Islamic terrorists kill
> more Islamic people, than they do those of other faiths?" He looked
> surprised. I said "Yes, it's true. It's all over the news, which you
> would know, if you had paid attention. Are you a Christian?" He said
> proudly, "Yes I am!" I said "No you are not! Would Jesus have approved
> of you murdering another person, especially one who has committed no
> crime?" He looked indecisive. I said "You know he would NOT. If you do
> not follow Jesus and what he taught, then you are not a Christian. If
> you do not obey the Ten Commandments, then you are not a Jew, and
> doubly not a Christian. Nor are you a Muslim or a Buddhist. You belong
> to no religion, and none should claim you as are you are now. If you
> want to know God, through any faith, make yourself worthy of Him, and
> he will come to you." The police had arrived. I gave them the gun, and
> to their complete surprise, the bullet, and told them the short version
> of what had happened. I said I would make a full statement later, if
> needed. My Ki was flowing with its full force, and they agreed with my
> wishes, and escorted the prisoner away.
>
> I went back to the others, who were standing there with their mouths
> hanging open, and said to them, "That man was REALLY teed off." They
> almost choked to death, trying not to laugh. Soon, we were allowed to
> resume play. They didn't do as well as they had before. I commented,
> "Obviously not explosive balls." They laughed. I looked at all the
> irons and woods, and said, "So they have different angles. I'll use
> that one. Hey you three. A bet, if I get a hole in one, you each have
> to tell a joke before the next hole." The Priest said, "What if you
> lose the bet?" I said "You get to laugh at me before I tell a joke."
> They laughed, and I said, "Hey, I haven't lost yet." They laughed some
> more. I just shook my head in sadness, and they laughed again. Well, I
> did it. Two bounces, and it went in the hole next to the flag. The
> announcer said, "A whole in one! Amazing!" I yelled out to him, "What's
> so amazing about what we are supposed to be doing?" He said, patiently,
> "It's supposed to be so difficult, it's next to impossible." I said
> "You make the game too difficult to play, and then you make people play
> coming to." The Imam said to me, "The game is the journey, more than
> the goal." I grinned, and bowed to him. The others were looking
> thoughtful, all the way to the next shot.
>
> While walking to the next tee, I said "I'm waiting for the jokes you
> owe me." The Imam said "A Priest, and Rabbi, and a Buddhist Lama, were
> walking down the street. Two of them walked into a bar, the other one
> ducked under it." The Rabbi laughed. I said "Good one!" The Priest
> said, "The bar, was an Imam holding It?" The Imam grinned, and said,
> "Weak, but I'll accept it." I turned to the Rabbi, and he said:
> "A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Myers Florida .
> She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his
> blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she
> attempted to strike up a conversation with him. 'Hello, sir, how are
> you today?
> 'Fine, thank you,' he responded, and turned back to his book.
> 'I love the beach. Do you come here often?' she asked.
> 'First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,' he replied and
> turned back to his book.
> 'I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is
> very lonely' she countered. 'Do you live around here?' she asked.
> 'Yes, I live over in Cape Coral,' he answered, and again resumed
> reading.
> Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, 'Do you like
> pussy cats?'
> With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and onto
> her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her
> life!
> When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man,
> 'How did you know that was what I wanted?'
> The man replied, 'How did you know my name was Katz?"
>
> We laughed loudly. The Priest, when he could, said, "I hope they
> didn't hear that." I said "Right, or they'll all be going to Ft.
> Myers." They laughed. At the next tee, I deliberately sent the ball
> into a water hazard. The announcer said, "The player must choose to
> accept a penalty of one stroke, or play it where it lies." I said "I'll
> play it where it lies." He said "But it's under the water!" I said
> "That's what it gets for lying." Some laughter. I said "Don't worry,
> that's my problem. Anyway, you're too far away to get splashed." Some
> laughter. Chad said in contact, +No, you wouldn't!+ I said +I already
> caught a bullet on camera. The cat's out of the golf bag, so, watch me.
> Moses reprise, here we come!+ He laughed. The Rabbi was looking at me
> with some speculation. In a way the others couldn't see, I winked at
> him. He looked surprised, and then nodded acceptance, and then said,
> "That is going to be very interesting. Tell me, have you written about
> some of your past lives?" I said "I have, and have published some under
> my name, and some under pen names. Some were labeled fiction. Some will
> not be published, where they could cause some problems. History, as we
> know it, isn't always entirely accurate."
>
> He said "Is the Torah accurate?" I said "Considering that much of it
> was passed down through word of mouth, before it was first written, and
> was from the limited understanding of prescientific people, what I know
> of it, compared to my own experiences, is surprisingly accurate, even
> in areas where modern readers might not accept that. However, there are
> many semantic and idiomatic misunderstandings, and some deliberate
> mistranslations and omissions, and some careless lack of accuracy and
> deliberate er, constructions." The Imam said "Does Allah exist?" I said
> "Buddhism is basically a philosophy of personal self improvement, and
> uses some odd, to Western science, scientific principles to train and
> operate some unusual talents, to which some have added the trappings of
> a religion, out of the basic need to have something to pray to. I am a
> scientist. As such, my opinion on that is based on my knowledge of this
> science, my observations and explorations, and credible reports of
> others who have done the same. In basic concept, God does exist, and
> does influence our lives. Which at times, can be very annoying." The
> Rabbi said "Don't we know it!" We all laughed.
>
> When we got to the water hazard. I walked around it and studied it.
> The Rabbi followed me closely. We were both amused by that, and shared
> it. I got between the ball and the cup on the green, and pointed to the
> green with one arm, and stretched out the other arm, with a wedge in
> it, over the water to the where the ball was, and while looking at the
> cup, I said "This is the line, so the ball lies in that direction," and
> turned to my head to the water, to see it was parting, and exposing the
> floor of the pond, and the ball on it. I said, brightly, "And there it
> is!" I went down into the pond, my feet making disgusting squelching
> noises in the mud, and approached the ball. I gave it a good whack with
> the club, splashing mud all over me and everywhere else, and up and out
> of the hazard the ball went, and bounced and rolled into the cup. I
> walked up out of the pond, and looked down at me, and waved my arm, and
> I was all clean. I turned to look at the pond, and nodded, and the
> water filled in the space from where it had parted. There was stunned
> silence from those who had seen some of that, and curious murmuring
> from those who wondered at that, who hadn't seen it. I called out, "Ah,
> Mister Announcer, shouldn't you be telling the people the score, and
> telling them we are going on to the next hole?" He did that, stuttering
> a little. The Rabbi was grinning his face almost in half. I wiggled my
> eyebrows at him, and he laughed. I said "So, let's go whack some more
> innocent balls." The other two laughed, too, and we went to do that.
>
>
> END Page
>
|
|