Readme Doc Np - f31.txt
Hello No Pube OOO,
You:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. A lot of what you say I agree
with. But you are pretty unapologetic about not loving those children
you have bedded. It's nice for you that they still love you, I
suppose. But I find it hard to respect your attitude. I do not judge
you, who am I to judge? I do not condemn you. I am in no position to
do such a thing. Butyour words clearly indicate that these
relationships you've had have been mostly about your own sexual
gratification.
...
Me:
In fact, I can only love one person at the time. Of course, I like my family members, my friends and ex-boyfriends, but I don't spend as much time and my thoughts are not directed to them as they are toward the person I love. I am made like that...
Plus, when a boy that I love reach the age where I do not count in his life as much as it used to be before he discovered that girl or, more rarely, this boy,
I know that our time is over... What am I supposed to do? Stay home and hope he will find the time to come and visit me, ask me for advise on this and that and do the exact opposite (?) because his new girlfriend thinks blablabla... and put an "X" on my own sexual life?
You can think whatever you want about my own sexual gratification, but I am also intelligent enough to know that if there is nothing else than that in our "relationship", there will be no relationship at all. I did not forgot everything about my own childhood and adolescence since I became an adult. A boy is not and "adult to come": a boy is a 100% person, dot.
...
You:
In my work with boys who have been used by men for sex, I see the
damage that is left behind. It's not pretty. I am dealing with three
boys right now who cannot have a relationship with a man one-on-one.
They don't trust anyone, really except those they can control or pose
no threat, like younger boys. Having been abused by my Uncle when I
was eight, I understand how they feel. But that very fact that they
can't dealwith adults, condemns them to a cycle of acting out on boys,
unless they choose to break the cycle. I have.
...
Me:
When I was a young adult, I tried to avoid my deviant (from the norm) sexuality. I even slept with a few women (not many), and stayed with one woman for a couple of years. The very first day I slept with her, I told her that I was sexually attracted to boys. Young boys from 10 to 20. She told me she was going to "cure" me with her own love. It worked for two years and then, things started to deteriorate. Finally, she separated from me saying "there are things you have to live..." And it was the start of my pederast life. Before that, I had never had any sexual activity with no boy at all even if I was attracted to them.
All the boys that I have met in my life and with whom I have had sexual activity have been told the same thing: "I am attracted to young boys. You are a young boy... So, if you want to stay in touch with me, you have to know that I am attracted sexually to you. So, if sex with me is something you can't imagine doing, I think it would be better for both of us to stay away from one another."
Of course, I wasn't saying that to the first boy I saw in the street the first day I met him. But when I was finding a boy interesting for whatever reason (some were intellectuals, some were playful, some were interested in movies, in outdoors activities, in natation, in just staying home...) and that this interest was becoming shared, I gave him my "speech".
None of them could say "he lured me, he used me, he tricked me, I didn't know what I was doing..."
And don't serve me the "but these boys needed you". They needed me as much as I needed them.
....
Me:
I "worked" with boys when I was a student to pay for my studies in some institutions only to realize that I could never mix my personnal life with my professionnal life. This was before the episode with that woman I lived with for a couple of years at the beginning of my adult life. That is why I never even tried to gain access to boys throught a job (pediatrician, school teacher, trainer, caretaker, volunteer in whatever organizations) because I would have never been able to look at myself in a mirror. Same for being an "honest hetero" having wife and children and fucking with boys in secret like I have seen so many of so-called boylovers... You wouldn't like to know what I think of these miserable liars, fraudulent father, "look at me how I am smart with that super cover up" assholes.
I was a dreamer of "Free kids of Summerhill" and a single.
If I had to work with abused boys, I would abuse them by not telling them I am looking at their ass, thights, fresh skin, large eyes, smooth and silky hair... Me, as a pederast, I could not. That is why I choose not to work with them because in our Brave New World, this is impossible. Maybe in some other civilizations, in ancient times could it be possible: I don't know because I wasn't there. One thing I know is that now these days, in present time, with the demonization of man/boy love, even the most gratifying, rewarding relationship not in terms of sexuality but in terms of human relationship between two human beings (remember, I my very little kingdom, a boy -no matter his young age- is a 100% person...) will be put to trash by any hetero, even if his name is Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler, Staline, GW Killer Bush or any of those hetero killers of wife and children that are filling our world.
....
You:
As for your dislike for the term 'boylover', I agree that it is
insufficient to choose one word as a label to define ourselves. I have
chosen to use 'boylover' as a way to differentiate myself from those
who love boys selfishly. I love boys unselfishly. That's the only real
difference between us, I guess. Except this: I would not choose to
teach a boy that society's rules don't apply to me. I try to teach my
boys to recognize injustice and work toward changing unjust rules and
laws. Which, of course, was the entire point of my original post;
which was sadly lost on you.
Stay Safe and try to be unselfish,
Doc
NP-f31
Me:
True love is always unselfish, but I am only a human being. I try to do my best, but sometimes, it is not enough. I have come to the conclusion that if you are looking at man/boy love throught the eyes of the "norm", of course it makes no sense at all. A decade is like a life to me. My parents have been maried for many of my lifes. How can this be??? I cannot teach anything to the boys with whom I am in relation because most of the time, it is them that are teaching me. They are teaching me how life is beautiful, how funny this thing is, how sad this other is. I guess I am a non-grown up. Some kind of retarded (I am sure the psychologist in you will love that statement....) who is reborn every time he falls in love.
Staying safe is not an option if you are to be an active pederast in our Brave New World. I live on a thin wire, trying to keep myself balanced and free, but knowing that in any human being the good and the bad are part of our possibilities. History is full of ex-nazi who have killed thousands of innocents Jews only because it was permitted by the laws of their fool dictator and who never killed after their craziness was over. How can you explain that other than by "we all have that potential in us".
That, I try not to forget and keep myself in the good part of my two hemispheres.
No Pube 000
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