FROM: 4s00th <4s00th@hushmail.com>
> I am gratified by those who have responded to my most recent posts. I,
> too, would love to be back posting the Fort Jukebox -- but I fear that
> I cannot continue that post at this time. My best friend irl was
> diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer with liver involvement a few
> weeks ago.
>
> There have now been 4 times in my life that I have seen my Crohn's
> Disease as a blessing: the first was when the woman who had been my
> baby-sitter and a second mom to me needed me and I was not in college
> at the time because of an earlier illness -- she had not told us that
> the cancer had come back even tho I had driven her to the appointment
> down in Winston Salem, NC myself; then again when, first my mother,
> and then my father were deathly ill and in the final months of their
> lives. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread into
> her lymphatic system and even started tumors in her brain. On her
> deathbed, I promised to do my best to take care of my dad who had been
> having small strokes over the past 5 or so years, and I did until he
> died some years later of complications to diabetes (uncontrolled
> hypertension + barely controlled diabetes = renal failure -- those of
> you with diabetes be AWARE!). And now, of course, my best friend is
> dying -- and I plan on taking advantage of my disability to be there
> to do as much for her as I can. I've already taken on some of her
> day-to-day problems so that she can use all of the time she has left
> to her the way she wants to. The good news is that she's talking about
> going to Italy and maybe San Fran. The bad news is that we can only
> hope that she has the time and energy to take those trips.
>
> Now, while I am well entrenched in Virginia, my friend Leslie is back
> in her hometown in West Virginia. And I will be there in WV most of
> the time for the time-being. Now, I do have access to computers there,
> but I shall have to be careful how I use them! I mean, Leslie knows
> all about me -- she is my best friend, after all! Still, her mother
> does not, nor does her new boyfriend or pretty much anyone I'm likely
> to see in WV. They all know I'm gay, but that's about it. I guess I'll
> have to do a lot of catching up the times I can get home! And, I will
> be coming home occasionally. I am not so stupid as to think that I
> won't need periodic breaks from the whole situation. I'm encouraging
> her mother to spend breaks with one of her many sisters to allow her
> to get breaks especially since she and Leslie are a bit like oil and
> water -- they can mix for a while, but they're going to come apart!
>
> I do have a little good news tho badly timed. I had just adopted a dog
> right before I found out that Leslie was sick. Whodat is a beagle who
> will soon be a whole year old. He's very sweet-natured and loving, but
> man are those teeth sharp! As my brother is still working -- tho
> applying for disability -- I have to take Whodat with me. He's a
> little mad at me that I cannot give him as much attention as he wants,
> but he seems to be doing okay. Well, on the way home, he got sick
> coming over the mountain, but other than that ...
>
> Still, it's a lot of work to do the puppy thing and nurse a sick
> friend!
>
> And for those of you who have so recently questioned Doc about his
> true intentions -- be aware that his second response to my telling him
> this was to tell me that he would be there to support me when I needed
> it. Now, I am not some puppy-dog-eyed adolescent or pre-adolescent; I
> may well be older than Doc! So, before you question Doc, maybe you
> ought to reconsider how you approached him -- whether or not he
> actually got your messages, whether he could understand from your
> words that you wanted and needed help. Yes, he's going to show a
> preference for boys -- who of us do not? But, like me, he believes
> strongly that we need to stick together so that we can support each
> other to make sure that, in our efforts to help our boys, we don't set
> aside the boy's needs and feelings for our own selfish desires -- and
> it's too easy to let yourself trick yourself into believing what you
> want to believe! He and I consider this important work to help boys,
> but we also consider it important work to help our friends. Most of
> you, I would be pleased to call you my friend; others I can accept
> that we disagree, but have much in common; and a few I have trouble
> finding sympathy for because of horrid behavior. Nonetheless, if any
> of you asked me for help -- I wouldn't refuse you. And I can tell you
> honestly that I don't believe that Doc would, either. At least, not on
> purpose. Keep in mind that we might not see every little message in
> every group. Or we might not understand that it's meant for us. Or we
> might not understand you're asking for help. Or we may just be having
> a brain fart or are preoccupied by a dying friend or whatnot. And,
> ftr, you don't have to like me and I don't have to like you, but if
> you ask for help, I will not turn you down -- except that right now I
> am tied up with my friend.
>
> Sincerely and thank you for reading,
> Steve
>
>
> -- 4s00th@hushmail.com
>
> My email is always available for those looking for and willing to
> supply support in the effort to remain boy-lovers and not become
> child-molesters de jure if not de facto.
>
Trolling set-aside......I wish the best for you. Hold your head up high
no matter how much your heart hurts as you watch you friend's health go
down hill.
And remember this - men cry real tears when necessary.
Sometimes I think I am the only one with problems. Then a message like
yours makes me realize how small and minor my problems are compared to
someone with a massive load on their shoulders.
Thank you for sharing.
May God give you the strength to go forward, and may you continue to grow
in wisdom as you help your friend.
One more comment: You *must* look after yourself first to be able to help
others.
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