Special Episode of Everybody ( At Microsoft ) Hates Chris
Greg auditions for part of Luke Skywalker.
Copyright C 2009 by Eric Matteson
Permission is granted to copy the plain text version
of this script and to publish it on the Internet.
Non-profit uses including student films are also allowed.
Permission is granted to allow this script to be used
to create an audition tape or DVD.
Scene 1 by lockers
GREG
They have an advertisement to turn in audition tapes
and DVDs to Audition to play the part of Luke Skywalker
in the previously proposed high budget movie
HELP LUKE SKYWALKER SAVE WINDOWS
I want you to be a co-star in my Audition DVD.
CHRIS
I hate Microsoft. I would not be a very good co-star
to help save Microsoft Windows.
GREG
I know!! I want you to restrain me and I want you
to use your super powers to PREVENT ME from saving
Microsoft Windows!!
You are SUPER CHRIS and I will play the part of Luke
Skywalker a very weak version of Luke Skywalker
who will try hard to save Microsoft Windows and then
you will make sure that I completely FAIL!!
Scene 2 (In gym at school assembley)
PRINCIPAL
The winning audition tape AT THIS SCHOOL for
Luke Skywalker of Help Luke Skywalker Save Windows
is Chris and Gregs DVD.
Lighting from more than one angle to fill in potential
shadows makes this audition look like a very high
budget film already. Nobody is stuck with just half
a face in this audition. This audition won based on
technical superiority.
( Principal Starts movie audition movie )
GREG
Hi, I am Greg and I am here to audition to play
the part of Luke Skywalker in the Billion dollar movie
Help Luke Skywalker Save Windows.
Microsoft Windows 98 SE is a wonderful operating system.
Last year someone told me that you have to use Linux
to fix mistakes in JavaScript programs in html files
THIS YEAR in 2009 there is a new line numbered text
editor program called ednumeri that not only is controlled
by line numbers but has a y command to translate a normal
line number into a larger odd only number to control
editing of text and display beginning at the requested
line beginning at y=1
Linux is mo longer needed to fix Javascript programs
if you are willing to use numbers to control the editing
of text and use Windows version of Firefox Web Browser
to find your JavaScript Mistakes.
Bill Gates did a very good job on Microsoft Windows 98 SE
so it is not neccessarry to go through the extreme hardship
of finding and downloading Linux and then trying to burn
a bootable DVD or first CD.
Most versions of Linux are dead as doornails and do not
work at all. Pretty please continue to use Microsoft Windows
because Microsoft Windows 98 SE has earned a monopoly
for Microsoft.
Imagine a tree stump with five numbers. Number four
points to a DLL file name. Number one points to
a list of function names. Number five points to
a list of memory locations to receive a list of
addresses of the functions named in list one.
The ednumeri line number controlled text editor
even has a second dimension in which each character
within one line is assigned a odd number in edit within
one line mode so some mistakes can even be fixed
without having to retype an entire line over again!
In the ednumeri.asm source code on the Internet
you can see near the bottom lists with functions
that have names and each group of functions
also is grouped with a DLL file name.
( Chris shows up. Chris grabs Greg and wraps a chain arround
him to emphasize that Luke Skywalker is being restrained )
CHRIS
How dare you advocate the luxury of a proposed
billion dollar movie when fellow students are at
risk of being run over by golf carts being driven
outside the street by public employees.
Pedestrians deserve the protected right to be safe
from being run over by motor vehicles outside of the
street !
GREG
And even homeless people deserve the rights to sleep
outside and eat outside and live outside EVEN IN
THE DAYTIME even if organizations have tried to
compromise away their right to exist in the daytime.
The U.S. constitution was NOT FORMALLY AMMENDED
by the September 11th 2001 Patriot Act. It is
UNCONSTITUTIONAL for a organization to compromise
away homeless peoples rights to sleep outdoors in the daytime.
It is UNCONSTITUTIONAL for public employees to run over
pedestrians who are outside of the street with
golf carts even if those pedestrians are students.
( Chris removes the chains from greg. After the chains are
unwrapped )
CHRIS
People get angry when tyrants who drive golf carts take away
their freedom from fear of being run over even when they
are outside of the street at lawns and sidewalks that used
to be completely safe before September 11, 2001.
The War on Terror is not a war against terrorism it is just
a war against students rights.
I want you to know that ANGRY STUDENTS have decided to help
improve the free LINUX operating system to such a great
extent that Microsoft Windows is no longer needed in
any school computer. A new add-on for Linux called
Windows Imitation Natural Environment ( wine )
enables programs written for Windows 98 Se to run
on wine + linux. That ednumeri line number controlled text
editor program that you mentioned earlier runs on
linux + wine and has successfully confirmed that wine
IS REAL and not just a science fiction fantasy that
had been mentioned as being just a goal in a previous
Star Wars Movie.
GREG
I guess that means it is too late to save Microsoft Windows.
CHRIS
I am SUPER CHRIS
The first day that ednumeri ran on Linux plus wine
was AFTER THE DEADLINE for removing golf carts from
community college campuses. If you will get rid of all
golf carts now so pedestrians at community colleges
will no longer be in danger of being run over outside
of the street AND PASS A ALL VOLUNTEER JURY SYSTEM
in all 50 states and the U.S. federal government
so forced jury duty is abolished it could then become
possible to try to reinstate Microsoft Windows.
GREG
If a teacher asks me how much progress Have I made
in saving Microsoft Windows what should I say ??
CHRIS
If a teacher asks whether Windows can still be saved
ask three questions.
1 ) How much progress has ALREADY BEEN MADE in getting
the school administration to remove all golf carts from
sidewalks and lawns at community college campuses ??
2 ) How much progress has ALREADY BEEN MADE in getting
an all volunteer juries bill through the legislature
of THIS STATE ??
3 ) How much progress has already been made in getting
rid of horrible training CDs that require students to log in to
them on the Internet ?? ( Students deserve easy-to-use
TEXTBOOKS that do not require an internet login to learn ).
GREG
I am extremely weak. I have failed to save Microsoft
Windows.
CHRIS
It is not your fault that there is a Linux monopoly
now. You have never driven outside the street and
You have never required anyone to serve on a jury.
GREG
But I have still failed to save Windows from the Linux
monopoly.
CHRIS
Even the best possible candidate to play the part of
Luke Skywalker could not save Windows all by himself.
The people in the audience are supposed to
HELP LUKE SKYWALKER SAVE WINDOWS.
Even the best possible Luke Skywalker could not accomplish
anything at all by himself.
GREG
If I want to use Linux while waiting for help
saving Windows which three versions of Linux are
the best free linuxes ??
CHRIS
Centos 5 and Fedora 7 and Suse 10.0
linuxes are the three best versions of free Linux.
....
[ link to article about Linux progress ]
http://groups.google.com/group/comp.emulators.ms-windows.wine/msg/1af16d2fc37fa5ce
Written by Eric Matteson
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