Temporarily ground all Airplanes until mandatory health insurance
is repealed.
Every stewardess hates Chris (And Malvo)
Copyright 2010 by Eric Matteson
Permission is granted to copy the plain text version
of this script and to publish it on the Internet.
Non-profit uses including student films and
Non-profit network programs that are not connected
to fundraising pledges are also allowed.
[Scene 1 Malvo shows up at Chrises house.]
[MALVO]
I just got out of jail. I was arrested at the Glenoak
Community college library because the library security
guard thought that my textbook in my backpack was a
stolen library book. The library security gaurd
checks the backpacks of students when they leave
the library.
I told him that It was my textbook and it did not set off
the exit alarm. He said that construction workers broke
the library exit alarm several years ago and it was not repaired
because some backpacks can hide stolen library books
from electronic exit alarm systems.
[CHRIS]
What Happened in the jail ??
[MALVO]
When I asked my cellmate about the backpacks that
hide things from alarms he said that the Islamic
Federation did not spend 20 billion dollars developing
backpacks and luggage that hide things from scanners
to steal library books. That hiding technology is specifically
designed to smuggle weapons including guns past airport
security checkpoints. It is far too expensive to use
to steal library books!!
My cellmate had been arrested ON AN AIRPLANE by sky
marshalls after shooting a stewardess. He had five
guns and six cell phones in his
expensive looking backpack carryon luggage!!!!!
[CHRIS]
Why was he carrying guns on an airplane??
[MALVO]
The mandatory health insurance is unfair. It is a
severe violation of ISLAMIC LAW to require everybody
to buy health insurance and then use that premium money
to pay for abortions.
Six groups of terrorists are planning on crashing six
airplanes into six abortion clinics. Three before the
November 2 election and the remaining three after the
November 2,2010 election if the Republicans fail to quickly
repeal healthcare reform including the individual mandate.
---------------
(Scene 2. Totalia school Cafeteria. Chris meets Greg.)
[CHRIS]
Malvo got out of jail.
[GREG]
What did he do ??
[CHRIS]
Nothing! He was falsely accused of stealing
a library book.
His Cellmate discussed a terrorist plot to crash six
airplanes into six abortion clinics to protest against
mandatory health insurance.
[GREG]
I know some people at the Counter Terrorism Unit. I will
go there after school.
If we had an all volunteer jury system voluntary jurors
could be better educated and more qualified to accurately judge
complex terrorism cases.
----------
(Scene 3 Greg visits counter terrorism unit. Jack Bauer is there.)
[GREG]
Jack, My friend Chris said that Malvos cellmate at the Glenoak
jail has uncovered a terrorist plot to crash six airplanes
into six abortion clinics to protest against the healthcare
reform bill ....
(Jack Bauer then gets on the telephone and calls the Glenoak jail).
[JACK]
Your story checks out. There is a prisoner at the Glenoak
Jail who shot a stewardess on an airplane. I am on my way over there
to question the suspect.
------------------
(Scene 4 Airport)
Jack Bauer shows up at the airport. He tells security he is looking
for
a suspect. Security tells him that the group of passengers has
all passed security screening and then the guard clears Jack
Bauer through the checkpoint.
(Scene 5 on board airplane on ground.)
Jack Bauer announces that he wants everybody to open their
carry on luggage for inspection. The copilot is there
with him.
Jack then peeks into the carry on luggage as each passenger
holds it open for inspection. Jack slowly gets closer to a guy
wearing a Turban.
As Jack inspects the carry on luggage of passengers who are
closer and closer to the guy in a Turban he get nervous. He
grabs a nearby HMO Nurse and yells that he has a hostage.
Then he demands that the plane take off. Jack tells him the plane
is not going anywhere. Then the Guy in a Turban dials a number on
his cell phone. There is an explosion in the luggage compartment.
Then the guy in the Turban shoots the HMO Nurse and and everybody
leaves the airplane. The guy in the Turban escapes. Jack is busy
trying
to take care of the HMO nurse but she dies anyway.
Then there in a much bigger explosion after the fire detonates
the even bigger bomb in the luggage compartment. Pieces of airplane
rain down from the sky!!!!!
---------------------------
(Scene 6 news conference with Jack Bauer)
[JACK]
The CTU has uncovered a terrorist plot to crash six airplanes
into six abortion clinics to express opposition to requiring
everybody to buy health insurance and then using some
of the premium money to pay for abortions.
Only one of the terrorists is in jail. At least two airplanes
might be crashing before the November 2,2010 election with the
remaining three crashing if healthcare reform especially the
individual mandate is not promptly repealed.
Democrats in Congress have reduced funding for the CTU
almost as much as they cut NASA funding. The spy satelites
that the CTU had used to track cars have been damaged
by space junk and there are no longer any space shuttles
to send up to repair those spy satelites. The CTU can no longer
easily keep track of the movements of terrorists.
After discussing the situation with others in the CTU we
have decided it would be best if ALL AIRPLANES IN THE UNITED
STATES ARE TEMPORARILY GROUNDED for as long as the law still
plans on requiring individuals to buy mandatory health insurance.
Congress needs to repeal that healthcare reform law as soon
as possible. (Could there at least be bipartisan support for
repealing the individual mandate?).
-------
Written by Hollywood scriptwriter Eric Matteson
Links to other episodes.
{Previous Everybody Hates Chris episode}
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.tv/msg/f2b421c0b3680562
[Ruthie Camden Airplane episode of 7th Heaven]
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.tv/msg/42a1967d5772e733
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