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From: "Kingsfan13" <kingsfan1300@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.brady-bunch
Subject: Re: Get a FREAKIN' LIFE Alice!
Date: 26 Aug 2006 13:24:53 -0700
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Never mind all of that bullshit. What do you know about Alice's BMs
(bowel movements)? Were they hard, soft, crusty, flakey, imbedded with
peanuts and/or corn? What did her underwear look like after she wore
it for a few days and didn't shower? Were there BM (bowel movement)
skid marks all over it?
JT wrote:
> Even when the Brady's go to the Grand Canyon Alice is on duty. She's
> scrubbing pots in the river under the merciless Arizona sun.
> POTS ? !?!?!
> I guess wieners and pork n' beans are no good when camping with the Bradys.
> Not when Alice can make braised veal shanks "Osso Buco" in a full set of
> POTS.
> You just know if Cindy unzipped her tent on a whim at three o' clock in the
> morning
> and petulantly demanded eggs Florentine and Belgian waffles , Alice would
> snap to a groggy attention.
>
> What's the alternative? Getting beaten like a rented mule by Mike? Getting
> thrown out on the street with no 401K? The Bradys were ballers, boy.
>
> In the episode in which Alice wins the soap contest, she asks to borrow the
> car to go downtown and claim her prize. This reveals she doesn't have a car
> AND, once behind the wheel, she laments "Oh...I forgot...I don't know how to
> drive."
>
> ...good lord Alice...
>
> Then, when the family go to King's Island amusement park Alice is required
> to wear civilian clothes that evoke her utter servitude to her totalitarian
> overlords. An institutional green shirt (sans apron...thank God) which is
> not QUITE her full uniform is the only fashion transgression allowed.
>
> All this on top of sleeping in the broom closet.
>
>
> When will someone blow the whistle on this despotic white slavery? Sam? God
> no. He can barely tolerate her for the bi-annual bootie call much less. draw
> fire from Mike and Carol.
> I swear, she doesn't have a friend in the world.
>
> JT
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