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From: +Grant <+Grant@grant.grant>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.prettyboy
Subject: +*+*+*+*+*+*+ Fort STORY Time +*+*+*+*+*+*+ Assy Essay
Date: 17 Nov 2009 21:35:02 -0600
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This isn't exactly a story, but I think its funny. It comes from two
posts by a friend from 2006.
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Women are Dumb Asses
Did you know that women are dumb asses? I mean this literally.
More accurately, they HAVE dumb asses.
That's right. Their asses can't tell what they're sitting on. Or even
if they're sitting on anything at all, unless it's cold.
Have you ever seen them sit? They just back up and drop. They never
check what's on the seat, because even if it's something really bad,
their butts won't feel it. They must realize this, even if
subconsciously.
I've been checking this out for years. Commuting by public
transportation can be awfully boring.
Those of you who live with a woman probably know this already, but for
those who don't, I'll tell you how we find what we keep losing. Check
under the woman. They have a lot of stuff under there they don't know
about, because their butts can only feel cold things like toilets. For
anything you lose, check under the woman first. Chances are, it's
there. I KNOW!
See the dog sniffing at the Woman's crotch? Now you know where that
extra slice of pizza went. Under the Woman!
You hear your car alarm setting go on and off outside? You can put away
the spare keys now, you know where the originals are. Under the Woman!
Can't find the TV guide? It's under the woman! Pressed flat, too. You
may have to wait until She stands up, so you can peal it off Her Butt.
On a hot day, you can see the picture transfer on her behind. Best not
to tell her that, though, but you should cover all her usual perches,
or you could have the TV Guide cover reprinted everywhere.
Notice the TV changing channels on it's own, but you can't find the
remote? That's right, it's under the woman, and pointing across the
room.
Can't find the dog's chew toy? You'll know where it is, if when the
woman shifts position, you hear a suspicious squeaking sound. The dog
is sniffing at her crotch for a legitimate reason, this time.
You can't find your wallet? Check under the woman. But don't bother to
look for the money (your measly allowance). Women's butts suck wallets
dry. You'll know what else is under there, if you see key impressions
on it, and a TV Guide logo on the wallet.
Check under the woman for everything you've lost, but be careful of
mousetraps.
And mice.
When She shifts position, old furniture and doggie toys may not be the
only cause of the squeaking.
There is a direct correlation between the number of the things you
can't find, and the size of the woman's behind. Big butts hide more.
Then things tend to get stuffed into the cracks.
In the CUSHIONS! What were you thinking?
Want proof that women never check what they sit on?
Simple:
On a cold night, the colder the better, (evil grin), leave the toilet
seat up. Her surprised scream will give you proof of all my
contentions, and not to mention, will likely wake up the neighborhood.
Yeah, you'll get your proof about her ass, but you won't get NEAR her
ass for a week.
So much for scientific experiments! Got a comfortable sofa?
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--
Grant
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