On Mon, 18 May 2009 18:54:30 -0500, insane for boys! <insane for
boys!> wrote:
>On 2009-05-18 05:33:20 -0500, emil sinclair <es@demian.com> said:
>
>> Well ... at least your writing has relatively few careless spelling errors
>> (though the first of these occurs only a few sentences in: 'extremly.'
>>
>> That said, this story is exceedingly empty. Virtually zero thought or
>> creativity seems to have gone into it. The characters are barely
>> one-dimensional. The boys are interchangeable. The setting barely qualifies
>> as generic. There is no conflict, no drama, no tension, no whim or desire
>> that is not immediately fulfilled. Time has no particular meaning. There is
>> not a single feature of this fictional world that reminds us of real life.
>>
>> This is, I would say, an unintentional self-portrait of an empty mind. The
>> closet thing to a problem that these characters must face is a broken
>> air-conditioning system in what seems an affluent home. And the two friends
>> face the terrible dilemma of having forgotten their swimming suits! Oh my.
>>
>> All erotic stories are fantasies, in some way, but a rule of fantasy is that
>> it must feel real, within its own boundaries. Think of Narnia. This world is
>> just ridiculous. Joshua is nude all the time -- therefore nudity has no
>> meaning. He sits around playing Playstation nude. He goes swimming nude. He
>> slips on boxer shorts to answer the door, then gets naked again. Yawn.
>>
>> One marvels to contemplate the kind of life 'insaneforboys' has led, to have
>> taught him absolutely nothing.
>
>LMAO!!!!!!
>
>My story is MAINLY meant to be a porno story so boylovers who read it
>can get a good jerk off. That's all. Just a story to make you horny and
>have a good orgasm. The reason I put in the broken air conditioning was
>so the boys would be naked in the house. The 2 friends forgot their
>swimming suits so they would be forced to swim naked. Joshua had to get
>nude again because his friends would be swimming nude as well. I
>INTENTIONALLY put in very little plot with a generic setting so the
>reader could get to the good sexual stuff without having to read a
>bunch of stupid plot bullshit. If that wasn't obvious to you, then you
>must have some mental problems. With that said, what is your opinion of
>the sexual descriptions? Which are the MAIN parts of my story that I am
>MOST concerned about. You don't know me personally so how can you make
>such judgements? You base them on a PORNO story that I'm writing! WOW!
>LMAO!!!!!!!
Insane....
Unfortunately you are missing the point emil is making about your
story and I can only agree with him. Rather than try to ridicule him,
take note of what he is saying if you want to improve your writing...I
thought that was why you were asking for opinions. There must be
eroticism, a buildup of tension and expectation and the characters
must be fleshed out to become more real. I have no idea of your life
experiences nor would I comment on them, but your story is empty of
what constitutes a good story. Even if you are just writing porno for
guys to jerk off to, you need to give more thought to the build-up.
Just writing about the sexual descriptions makes the acts pointless
and false, therefore non-sexy and quite often a 'turn-off'. I am sure
most readers of erotic fiction would agree that the building up to the
climax is the pleasure one gets whilst reading. There really is no
point to your story except to get a group of boys naked and have sex,
which is not how boys behave nor are the situations you contrive made
'real'. Yes it is a fantasy, but a very shallow one at that.
Try fleshing your story out, try inventing some more realistic
situations for the boys to get in to...and try to use a variety of
words in your descriptions, especially when describing bodies. And,
most of all, learn to accept criticism if you want to be a writer!!!!
Pedros
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