Solomon's Private File #365
These stories about Stephen and Solomon take place starting in
1950's. Stephen wrote about his life in letters to a penpal, and then
in a secure blog, in case he lost his memory again, in the master
computer in his school for gifted students, which he started attending
in 2016 in a new incarnation, until his death. Now his son Solomon is
attending the same school, and is writing in his own secure blog for
his future incarnations.
All characters are fictitious, even if some of them might have names
that belong to some actual people, or act like people we know.
Solomon is 32 in this story, in the Spring of 2058.
Solomon's Private File #365 "Marcel"
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While we were resting from martial arts practice, Marcel said, "I
don't understand women." I grinned, and said, "At least you know that.
Women believe they understand men, by their success in manipulating
them, but they don't. They consider men to be overgrown boys, which
often looks all too true." He grinned. I said, "Women and men consider
women to be weaker, but they just have different strengths. That causes
them to influence men by manipulation, instead of outright force. Most
men understand this, and let themselves be manipulated as much as they
desire. When the manipulation exceeds that, women are surprised at the
resistance and outright rebellion, and can feel rejected, and become
bitter and vindictive. Most men know this from experience, and try to
minimize that in their relationships. Women are oriented toward status,
and not so much power, as men are. They are more sensitive to shame, so
they tend to use that more. Women need to feel appreciated and
beautiful, no matter what they say to the contrary. Men need to feel
respected and admired. Insist on it, actually, the more they don't
deserve it. Women are territorial in the home, fiercely at times, in
its defense, even to parts of it that don't need to be defended. Men
are territorial in personal space, much more so out of the home and
with strangers, sometimes to the point of physical violence, and are
sensitive to that in others, which completely baffles women. Woman
usually associate in small groups. Men, more in large groups, and are
more likely to fight to defend them."
I said, "For women, sex is mostly emotional. They can sometimes
climax just in a waking fantasy. For men, it's mostly physical. Men are
attracted to the woman they see, and often see little beyond that. Oh,
they have a mind? They really do! Woman are mostly attracted to a man's
realize it. In all of that, their judgement is usually flawed, and
based on fantasy and wishful thinking. Both men and woman can be
attracted to others in an immature way, by their potential for danger,
disguised in their minds as as exciting or adventurous. It seldom turns
out well in the long term. Women are more likely than men to change
their memories of events to suit their desires. Men need to learn not
to challenge that. It only makes things worse. Women have a different
concept of honor, which is more oriented toward the family, at the
expense of other families. They don't understand and accept that men
have honor and commitments outside of the family, too, which can
actually be to the detriment of their family in some ways. Men and
women forgive differently. Men seek a balance, a kind of armed truce,
in conflicts they can't win outright, in mutual respect, even if it's
only in their imagination. Women don't quit. They take everything very
personally, even for things that are beyond anyone's control. They will
hold a grudge in a no compromise way, practically forever, and
continuously act on it until made to stop by shame. This is how it is
in this society. In others, slightly more or less than that in all
those differences, and all individuals vary, much beyond this general
description."
He said, "I think I understand. Women fight with the poisoned
emotions. Men fight with dominance, physical and mental." I said, "Well
said!" He looked very pleased. In another break, he said, "I've noted
how people react to you, sexually." I said, "You have reviewed my first
party in your mind?" He grinned, and said, "I have! You deliberately
encouraged it then. Women and some men were almost panting with lust
felt it myself, for you. I thought I had grown out of that." I said,
"While in most men, that kind of feeling very much diminishes with
maturity, it never completely leaves us. You had no fault in that." He
said, "Oh! Thank you. Did you act on those feelings when you were
young?" I said, "I did, with enthusiasm." I had to smile at his
laughter. He said, "I did, but with caution, and felt some shame in it.
Did you?" I said, "No shame. My parents were very supportive. My father
died before I felt true attraction to girls. My uncle, who has equal
attractions to men and women, helped me to understand these things." He
said, "That was very fortunate!" I said, "I have to agree." He said,
"But not the loss of your father. I know how that is."
I said, "It was different for me and my sister. From our earliest
memories, we knew he wouldn't live to see us fully grown." He said,
"Oh! That seeing the future power." I said, "Yes. That's not always a
good thing." He said, "I think I understand something of that, now." I
said, "He didn't die from violence, but in helping others. He is still
loved in his land. You have felt a need for revenge, in your father's
death, that I never needed to feel for mine. That was not good for
you." He said, "True. And beyond me now. You let his killer live with a
ruined hand, that is more revenge to a premiere duelist, than anything
else." I said, "And he actually made it happen. Strange how fate
manages things, sometimes." He said, "Hmm, fate? Did you know he would
I didn't know if he would use it then, but I was ready for it, with the
knife concealed in my hand." He nodded, and said, "Yes. Think of all
possibilities, and prepare for them. VERY good advice!" Grins.
I said, after supper, while going over the accounts with him, "We
need to have the outside workers to know you more, as a supervisor." He
said, "Why do I need to know how to manage an estate?" I said, "Do you
expect to have none of your own?" He said, "If I do, I can hire a
manager." I said, "True. How will you know of his quality, if you don't
know his work? Or his honesty?" He said, "Oh! Sometimes I feel very
stupid." I said, "Good. That is the path to wisdom." He looked at me in
admiration, and said, "You are the wisest man I know." I said, "And how
many do you know this well?" He grinned, and said, "A deflection!
Fencing with words. That doesn't change my feeling." I said, "That's
fine, if it leads to emulation. We who lead, must do it by example, or
tried not to grin in my acknowledgment of his moderation. He also tried
not to grin.
He said, "I'm concerned about my future. You will leave. How will I
support my family?" I said, "Emirmis hinting?" He looked embarrassed,
and said, "Er, there are possibilities. My mother died before my
father. My grandfather couldn't manage our properties, and had to sell
them. When he died, his house was sold to pay debts. Taxes and things.
I still have some of that, but it's not enough to buy a house." I said,
"As manager of this estate, you're entitled to a portion of the
profits. What you're calculating now, actually." He said, "Wow!" I
laughed.
Later, he said, "Why are the workers not paid equally?" I said, "They
have status among themselves. That is to motivate them to improve their
lives. The difference in pay does that. Work that requires more
learning, experience, skill, and supervision of others, should earn
more, or there is no motivation to achieve all that, or loyalty to the
employer. You will also attract better workers. And when they can't
rise enough here, for lack of enough need for that here, and go to work
someplace else where they can, your support in that can significantly
help your own work force in their quality and motivation. Hmm, you
almost said it." He laughed, and said, "I'll save my wows for later. Do
all employers know this?" I said, "Most do, incompletely, through long
experience. None know this as you do now, not having been taught it
this extensively, this early in their lives." He said, "I will have an
advantage." I said, "In knowledge, yes. In application, not so much.
Experience and skill are still very important. It's possible that so
many will leave your properties so improved, to work in other
properties, that their owners will come to you for advice." He said, "I
have to say it. Wow!" I said, "I'll accept it. This time. But all that
is for a possible future. For the present, hard work needs to enable
His four attackers came to visit him at our country estate. They
didn't know if I was there, but didn't ask to see me. The brother took
the lead, and said, "We were wrong. I don't know how we can make this
right, but we need to. My sister is feeling very sorry, and stupid,
now." Marcel said, "I know the feeling! I feel stupid practically all
the time." Francho said, "I don't understand. You're one of the
smartest people I know." Marcel said, "You know who my teacher is."
They said, "Oh! Anybody would be stupid compared to HIM." Marcel said,
"I won't tell your fathers you said that, but I think they would agree
with you, even if they didn't say so. He's a very good teacher,
though." Another boy said, "Why is he doing this with you?"
Marcel said, "He needs assistance in managing his properties.
Somebody he can trust. He's a born teacher. I think he needs somebody
to teach. And he has a family elsewhere, and he may miss them. I can be
part of one for him here, which I view as a privilege and a supreme
honor." One said, "A teacher?" Marcel said, "Absolutely! I was there in
a back room in his first day at the Council, with my grandfather. We
could see beyond the door, his duel. He even taught his opponent while
they were fighting! I'm never going to forget THAT." Nods, and envious
grins. Francho, "You fought very well against us. He must be teaching
you how to fight." Marcel said, "Yes, he must. He keeps saying that!"
They all laughed.
Marcel said, "At first, I resisted it. With the death of dueling, I
didn't think it was necessary. But when he said it would make me more
women look at him." They did, and said so. One said, "It is said he has
great hearing. Can he hear us here?" Marcel said, "He could hear all in
this house, even counting the vermin, but he isn't here now, because of
that, for our privacy." The brother said, "He trusts us that much,
after what we did to you?" Marcel said, "I don't know, but he trusts
me, and what he's taught me. I trust you in my mind, but my body
doesn't. Such things take a long time to heal. If you were to move
against me here, I would probably kill you all before I could decide
not to."
They were very surprised. Francho said, "You are that good?" Marcel
said, "Not exactly, but this is my home. I know all here that can be
used as weapons, and more, and not by chance, by design. Sol says I
need to be able to defend my home as best as possible, as any
responsible man must. I see you understand I'm learning more than
fighting from him, such as when to fight, or not. And how to manage an
estate. I see you have some trouble believing me about defense here. Do
you see the target on that wall? They turned to look, and there was a
thunk. There was a knife stuck in the middle of it, where there hadn't
been before. They turned back to look at him in awe. He said, "Sol
disarmed and maimed my father's murderer with a thrown knife. You KNOW
I would learn that!" Nods of respect. Francho said, "I've had a sudden
thought. You could have beaten us." Marcel said, "Yes. The fight was
actually enjoyable for me, and I did my best not to harm you. I didn't
expect the dishonor of the dagger." They felt a lot of shame. I said,
"One of Sol's most serious lessons, at the Council and at home, and I
suspect wherever he is, is that dishonor breeds more dishonor, and most
often comes back to the source in much greater amount, eventually." The
brother said, "He is wise." Marcel said with a grin, "I've said that to
him so many times, he's asked me to stop that." Chuckles.
Francho said, "Would you teach us these things?" Marcel said, "I
might, someday. For now, I don't know enough to do that, and there is
still my body's distrust. Didn't you notice I asked you to proceed me
into this room, and that I've never turned my back to you? I'm sorry,
but the body learns very well from pain, even if the mind forgives. And
the struggle to return home, sunk that deep into my soul. I was a boy
before. Now I'm a man. I think it changed all of us, from our new
awareness of our true responsibilities as men. Life is serious now, and
play isn't as attractive to us. We've matured. It wasn't fun. But we
don't live for fun now, but for responsibility." They nodded
acceptance, holding back tears. The brother said, "Did Sol tell you
what he told us?" Marcel said, "Yes, word for word. He has a perfect
memory." The four looked at each other, and nodded. He said, "We affirm
to you our pledge, not just because that was made for us and we agreed
to it, but also because you are worthy of it as no other man we know."
They stood and bowed to each other. One reached to hug Marcel, but
noticed the retreat. He said, "I apologize. I should have remembered
this would happen. Our reactions betray us." Marcel, said, "I meant no
offense. In time it will become less. It had better, if I am to have
children!" Grins. He escorted them out, and they got into the waiting
carriage.
Romanit, the brother of Marcel's accuser, came to see me at my house
in the city. After formalities, he said, "Sir, I've come to tell you
how wise and mature Marcel was in our meeting." I said, "For him, I
thank you, but I think he already knows your feelings. ALL of them.
Yes, I've been teaching observation skills, not just how to fight." He
said, "Then you must know my feelings, too, to say this. My shame." I
said, "NO! Do NOT think of it as shameful. It is a natural feeling that
some men don't lose as much as others do when they become adults. What
others think about it is not who YOU are. Honor is in actions. Your
private feelings and thoughts are your own, and answerable to no other
person." He said through his tears, "It is not bad?" I said, "If it is
not used to harm a person, how could it be bad?"
He said, "Have you discussed this with Marcel?" I said, "In general,
yes, in discussing how people react to me sexually. He asked me if I
did it as a child. I think you are VERY interested in what I told him."
He had to grin, and said, "Yes I am!" I said, "I said I did, with
enthusiasm." He laughed. I said, "I had a lot of friends. Very tired
friends." He laughed again. I said, "My uncle has equal attractions to
men and women. He helped me to understand this. He is helping my wife
and children in my absence. My father died when I was a child. He
helped raise me." He said, "Is he a good fighter?" I said, "As I am,
with any weapon, or none. I think you suspected that." He grinned, and
said, "I did." I said, "What you may not suspect is my mother is just
as skilled, and more feared." He grinned widely, and tried to say wow.
I said, "I haven't told Marcel about them being good fighters, but he
probably suspects it. Here's another thing. My younger sister is better
than them, and actually likes fighting, and teaching it, more than I
do." He said, "Wow!" I said, "Included." He laughed.
He said, "I didn't, couldn't have imagined you would be so er,
pleasant with me." I said with a grin, "You couldn't say I was funny,
in a polite enough way?" He grinned back, and said, "Yes." I said, "Are
you going to tell him of what I said?" He said, "Would you allow it?" I
said, "That wasn't was what I asked." He looked thoughtful, and said,
"I understand. You want me to think about it, first. I think I would
not want him to think you told me more of yourself than you have him.
It could cause problems between you. So, just general things, if at
all, but he should know you know about my attractions, if he would want
to discuss them with me." I said, "Just so you know, I do NOT support
lies." He said, "You never lie?" I said, "Never. I grew up among people
who can sense lies. Useless to do that." He smiled, and said, "It would
seem so. Do you have that ability?" I said, "Yes. Some of it is inborn,
and some is from knowledge and skill. The body communicates much more
than our words do, and without deceit. You must have noticed Marcel's
physical reaction to your movements." He said, with sadness, "I did. We
all did. He explained it well."
He said, "He said something about having children in the future. This
means he is not as I am in feelings." I said, "I think you know that.
That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. There are many kinds of love.
Not all are sexual." He nodded, and said, "I understand. I am feeling
love for you, and some of it is sexual." I said, "You don't know how
many times I've been poked in hugs!" He laughed loudly. We stood and
hugged. I have him some love, as much as I let Marcel feel, and he
poked me severely. I said on the way to the door, "So, what do you
think of the weather?" He laughed hard, and was still chuckling, going
down the steps to the street.
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Grant
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