On Sun, 5 Feb 2012 19:02:01 -0500, "BillyElliot" <Billy@anymail.com>
wrote:
>Aprrecciate yor comment - but - it's useless.
>There is no one who might listen nor think about it.
>We are sick and any child crossing our way will be sick as well.
>Perhaps we might humbly ask for medical treatment, that is all we might get in return.
>Or. perhaps, a human way to commit suicide.
Billy -- I'm sorry that I did not see your comment earlier. It sounds
as if you are in a bad place right now. I can understand that -- I've
been there, done that, probably got a new T-shirt every time I was
there. I tried to kill myself twice before I turned 18, and then again
several months after I turned 18. It was stupid and pointless, and I
did a good job of covering up so nobody actually knew until that last
time.
But you really shouldn't think that there's no one to listen. Many of
us here are ready and willing to listen. I know that may not be
exactly what you're talking about, but trust me, there are still some
good people in the Psychiatric and Psychological professions that
actually know what they're doing. And I have found nothing but
kindness and compassion from the friends that I have taken into
confidence about being a boy-lover. Of course, you must realize that,
by the time I trusted them enough to tell them, they knew me well
enough to know what kind of man I am and what kind of moral standard I
hold myself to. Come to think of it, two of those people were or are
in the profession! I did have to correct my last psychiatrist when I
told him I was a pedophile -- even he jumped to the wrong conclusion,
but he apologized profusely, admitting that he should have known
better.
And I fully believe we can be involved in the lives of boys with
positive effects. It means taking control of your behavior and putting
the needs of the boy ahead of your own desires and wants, but it can
be done. And it's not just rewarding for the boy! Still, it can hurt,
but better we hurt than a boy.
As for asking for medical treatment -- what would you expect them to
do? There is no cure for attraction or desire or lust. Those of us who
truly love boys will always desire them -- no matter how many drugs
they throw into us to kill our sexual drives. Say what you want, but
we all know that you don't have to get an erection to want to give a
boy pleasure or to get satisfaction from it -- and there ain't no
medicine yet made that can change that. But we are stronger than our
desires and wants and lusts. We may not be able to control them, but
we don't have to let them control us. It's very much like the way a
bad-tempered person must learn to accept their anger and learn to deal
with it without letting it control them, thus causing them to break
the law.
And, there is no humane way to commit suicide. Suicide will always
leave victims behind, whether it's friends who love you, family or
even a boy who depends upon you and needs your love and affection.
Trust me -- there is nothing humane about what suicide does to them. I
should know; when I found out that one of the boys I had worked with
in Scouts all those years ago had committed suicide, I was floored
with loss -- even though I had not seen him in years. And I can't help
but think that maybe, if I had stayed in touch .... Well, I'll never
know for sure, but I will regret it the rest of my life. If nothing
else, he could have died knowing that someone loved him -- and will
always love him. [When his sister and brother-in-law (who were already
married when he was 10) told me, it was like it didn't really matter
-- just another fuck-up from him. And when I told them I was so sorry,
they thought I meant for asking them about him. And that, of course,
only makes me feel more guilty.]
Life is not all good, but it's not all bad, either. And no matter how
dark things may seem -- or actually get, there's always something we
can find that makes it seem worthwhile. Even if it's just to
appreciate the beauty of boys from afar.
My email box is always open if you wish -- or I will gladly write to
you here if that's what you prefer. Just know that you aren't alone,
and that there are people here who understand and care.
With love,
Steve
-- 4s00th@hushmail.com
My email is always available for those looking for and willing to supply support in the effort to remain boy-lovers and not become child-molesters de jure if not de facto.
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